Little Stars - A Billdip Oneshot Collection [DISCONTINUED]

Bill The Bush Monster

BOOM NEW CHAPTER SUGGESTION. YEE. We got Badass!Dipper and Pastel!Smol!Bill in this so ya welcome (^_-) Enjoy, my lovelies!
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Dipper's POV

"Ah, stupid sun! Goddammit, I'm gonna get sunburn if I can't get inside soon!" I hiss as the sun bites at my skin. 'Ugh,' I think. If my gold card is maxed out when I get to Starbucks, I'm going to kill Bill! He's always stealing my card to buy unicorn frappucinos because he's a pastel child. But I still love him.

As I walk down the street to the cafe, a sketchy looking guy started to approach and stare at me. I try to step away from him but he moves closer. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing out here in this heat?" He says sweetly, covertly wrapping his arm around my waist. He pulls me closer to his side. "The name's Adam McLaggen. What's yours, sweet cheeks?" He smirks. McLaggen? As in Cormac McLaggen from Harry Potter? Well, the attitude makes sense then, I think. "U-Uh, I'm Dipper. Dipper Pines." I say calmly.

I try to squirm out of his grip but he only held on tighter. "Nice name, Pinetree." Adam says, leaning in. He leans in towards my face and slightly puckers his lips. (Good lord this sickens me.) That's it. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU SICKO?! I HAVE A RIGHT MIND TO-" I scream at the perverted shitface before getting cut off by an ear-splitting war cry.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" it screams. The voice is familiar. Is that...Bill?!, I think. A body jumps out of the bushes and tackles Adam, punching him and tearing at his hair. "GET OFF OF ME YOU PINT-SIZED PASTEL SHIT!!!" Adam screams, slapping the man. "NEVER!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY PINETREE!!!" The man roars. "BILL?" I yell.

Bill's POV (prior to attack)

"Yum." I say, sipping at my unicorn frappucino. I curl up on the couch in a soft pastel yellow sweater, off-white jean short shorts and pale blue fluffy socks. I hope Pinetree doesn't mind that I used his gold card again. I hope it's not maxed out either, I think. As I drink my frappe, I start to think about my Pinetree and how amazing he is.

Out of nowhere, the eye tattoo on my forehead starts to tingle. Uh oh. I know what this means! I carefully set my drink down on the table, and rush into the foyer, grabbing my pastel green Vans (IM FRATERNITIZING WITH THE ENEMY XD). "MY DIPPY SENSES ARE PRICKLING!!!" I scream, teleporting away into some bushes near Pinetree.

I pull out some binoculars and search the sidewalk for my boyfriend. When I finally track him down, a guy has his hand on MY Pinetree's waist. WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS, TOUCHING DIPPER LIKE THAT?! I'M GONNA GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND!!!

This bitch leans in for a kiss, and that's when I strike. I jump out of the bushes with a loud war cry, pouncing on the guy. I pull at his hair and hit him with all I've got. "GET OFF OF ME YOU PINT-SIZED PASTEL SHIT!!!" He screams at me. I continue to attack. "NEVER!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY PINETREE!!!" I roar, and punch him right in the nose. I hear a crack and see that the guy's nose is broken and now dripping blood. "TAKE THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" I yell. I put my hands around the front of his neck and clench my fists, suffocating and choking him. He sputters and gasps for air, his face starting to turn purple.

Dipper pulls me up off the guy and lifts me off the ground by my armpits. I squirm and kick to no avail. Fucking short legs, I'M TOO SHORT!!! UGH, I whine in my head. I stop kicking, but still cross my arms. "Bill, please. Calm down, you were about to kill him!" Pinetree scolds. "HE DESERVES TO DIE! HE TRIED TO KISS YOU!" I pout loudly. "I know, Bill. But I don't want you to get arrested. You're too precious to me." Pinetree says, turning me around. He hugs me tightly. I snuggle into his chest and hug back, sighing.

Our very sweet moment is interrupted by the guy (who I now know as Adam McLaggen) groaning and stumbling up. He run off, about halfway down the sidewalk, before turning around. "W-What the hell is wrong with your...demonic friend?! Keep him away from me! And as long as you do that, maybe we can meet again?" Adam says. Dipper puts me down and ruffles my head, telling me to "stay here". I watch as he walks up to McLaggen.

Pinetree slaps him and starts yelling at him. "First of all, Bill is my sweet, loving, and caring boyfriend! Second, if he attacks you again, I will not lift one FUCKING finger to help you!! Third, no, we cannot meet again! I can report you to the police for sexual harassment or I could sic my boyfriend on you. Either way."

Adam just stands there in fear. "Don't you ever talk to me again! And if I EVER see you again and you try to come in contact with me, I will not hesitate to beat the shit out of you. In other words, FUCKING FUCK THE FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE." Dipper finishes. He slaps him again and stalks off back to me. "Is that clear enough?!" Pinetree screams looking at the jerk. McLaggen nods fearfully before running off.

I look up at Pinetree. We stare at each other for a minute before descending into fits of laughter. "I love you." I say to Dipper, hugging him again. "Love you too, ya little bush monster."
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ZEE FLUFF. I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF. I wanted to do this prompt for a while but I did it incorrectly. So here's the right version. This was suggested by Pandemonium825 . Thanks ^_^ Anyway thats it for now, thanks for reading, I appreciate it :3 Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!