Out Of Place // Madnessa

5

"Oh no! No, no. God no."

"Well what the fuck happened then? The last thing I remember was unzipping your dress." Vanessa sighed.

"Shit, I mean, I, God. Cole brought in those dumb kegs and everyone, including us, kept downing drinks and I think you pulled me into the bedroom, or something. I honestly don't know, I-"

"Calm down Mads. I just needed to know."

"Yeah. I'm gonna.... go to the store. Yeah! The store. I'll be back."

Madelaine grabbed her phone and her keys, slipped on her slides and ran out the door.

Vanessa groaned loudly. She had fucked things up. Drunk her had fucked things up. Now Madelaine wouldn't want to be around her. It was just at that point where Vanessa thought she could test the waters, kissing her cheek maybe. Of course nothing was ever right for her. She had dropped out of college, she was single, aiming for her best friend, she was jobless until this point. Things wouldn't ever be normal again. Vanessa's hangover quickly kicked in and she passed out on the couch.

When she woke up, Madelaine was putting away groceries.

"Hey Madelaine."

"Hi Vanessa."

"You okay?"

"No,Vanessa we drunkenly made out and now things are awkward. So no I'm not okay."

"Mads."

"Why Vanessa? Why did you do it?"

"What?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Because, with no help from you, I realized I'm bi, and I think, I think I like you."

"Oh my god Vanessa." She rolled her eyes.

"What, don't tell me you're biphobic."

"What? No! You're acting like I'm the one who caused all of this, you were the one who kissed me!"

Vanessa went quiet.

"I'm not bi, okay, so whatever you're thinking about, not. gonna. happen."

"Mads."

"Don't try me Vanessa. I'm not into girls."

"I didn't expect you to. Of course I fucked it up. I always do this kind of shit. Maybe I should just end it."

"Vanessa! What in God's name are you talking about?"

"I'm always screwing things up, I'm always losing people I care about because I don't know how to deal with people. I'm not a people person."

"So you think suicide is the next best thing?"

"I'm 19, I'm a college dropout, I was jobless until last week, I'm perpetually alone, trying to get with you even though you don't want me. I'm not meant to be here."

"Vanessa," her voice went soft.

"I'm over reacting. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go to my room."

When she got up to leave, Madelaine pulled her into a hug and held her tight.

"Vanessa, you are meant to be here. You are."

She broke down into tears, still holding her shaking arms against Madelaine. She held Vanessa against her chest while she let out heaving sobs.

"I'm such a disappointment. I moved out of my the country without my parents knowledge. I dropped out of college without my parents knowledge!"

"You're not a disappointment, alright. I love you."

"I love you too Mads."

Madelaine sat down on the couch, still holding Vanessa.

"I'm sorry Mads. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I like you, I'm sorry that I do shit like this."

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay."

Madelaine rocked her gently, until she was almost asleep. Madelaine knew deep down, that despite what she said, she did like Vanessa. It just wasn't the time to admit it.