Taking the Throne

The nightmare

Covered in sweat, her body stuck to the sheets, turning them transparent. So many faces, suffering nameless people, crying out in pain and agony. Finn, his face sweaty and splattered with blood, standing over the body of a man with red hair, a man whose last words were cursing Kylo Ren. She could feel the man's soul let go and leave his body, taking his bitter hatred and vendetta with him, screaming as if he was being dragged into blackness. She saw the throne room, almost like the one where it all began, and Finn standing in front of it. Finn's dark eyes staring back at her, fierce, full of revenge, and of mourning. She could hear him saying her name over and over again, echoing through the halls, and drifting like a fine mist, calling to her.

Poe, a man she hardly knew, skillfully leading resistance fighters into a ball of fire, enduring heavy loses. Body parts and ships blown to bits, floating in space.

She saw blood on her hands, blood all around her, red blotting out the world, creeping over her face, suffocating her.

"No!" She yelled as her whole body jerked up. "No no no.....noooo." Covering her face, she doubled over, rocking back and forth, letting the sobs purge through her. Touching her back, his hand was warm and almost large enough to touch both of her shoulder blades.

"I know." He whispered. "I know."

Lacking the words to console her, he continued to rub her back, letting her cry, feeling all of it wash back and forth through their bond.

"You don't feel it, do you? You don't ache for them?" She sobbed, turning to look at him through the moonlight.

"You are upset...I do feel it. I feel all of it..but it is like looking through a window."

"Like it can't touch you? Or do you not care?" She said coldly.

"I care....but it was necessary. All of it was in order to finally have peace...and peace has a high price regardless if it is light or dark...there is always a price...." His voice trailed off as he continued to stroke her skin, falling into deep thought.

She wanted to shake him off, but she didn't. Instead she closed her eyes, reaching out and quieting her mind.

Finn.....please....don't hate me......I am so sorry.....thank you....my dear friend. Thank you.

"You think I do not hear you, feel you, reaching for him?" Ben's voice had taken on a bitterness, a jealousy.

"I know you can and I do not care. They are my friends....have you ever had friends?" She responded, clearly trying to hurt him.

"Let's not allow this to ruin a beautiful evening..." He tried to ignore her and change the subject.

"No really, I want to know, have you ever had friends?" She continued to push, feeling a protectiveness over them.

"YES. I have." He replied, holding back the smolder that could quickly spark into a rage.

"Oh.... I forgot....you turned on them." She said, hitting him as hard she she could with her pain.

"Like you have?" He hit back.

"Ben....that....that...is...I do not know how to respond." She cowered as she felt the accelerating energy rushing off of him.

"Just say it, I am a horrible monster." Every syllable cut.

"You-" She felt her heart squeeze, with anger and with sympathy.

"Choose your words carefully....you cannot take them back...and I don't want your worthless sympathy," He said like he was spitting them." Yes, I had friends, brothers and sisters, and all of us were entangled in a game that we could not see. Some chose unwisely, some chose to survive. I live with it every...single...day. I do not need anybody to remind me of the choices I have made. This choice, this plan, was for you, for our unborn son, and for all of the unborn yet to come. It has to end. All of it. This cycle must stop. It was all for you....and your beloved friends know it....and you need to see it too. Let the blood be on my hands, I have enough already."

"Ben..don't say that-"

"No Rey, I know what I am. Do you know what you are? Who you are? I thought I showed you tonight. You are the best of me, all of the good and all of the light of me. If all I do for the rest of my life is protect you, love you, and ensure that what is ours will endure... I would do it again and again...and again."