Done.

2-School? No thanks

The alarm goes off. Please no, can't I just sleep forever? Never wake up again? Never leave my dreams, not that they're happy dreams, but I'm just not waiting for reality. Reality sucks.

As soon as it's turned off I sit on my bed. I'm so not excited for today, staring faces because I look messy. Judgy looks by Jesica and her fake ass friends. Teachers, tests, people. Just no thanks.

But because my parents and school can't know I'm not ok, I'm going to try my best to look fine. There's that word, fine.

Fine is a word that can hide many, many things. I mostly use it when someone asks me how I'm feeling. Then I just say I'm fine and it's all good. To say I'm fine means most times, for me, that I'm not up for a conversation about how I should feel and that I just don't want them to know how I really am.

Fine is getting obvious nowadays, but if you say "I'm doing great" it's 90% sure that it'll come out wrong. Saying "I'm ok" can mean many things, but it just isn't the right choice to make. "I'm awesome." Is an idiotic idea, because you can never say it like you mean it so it'll turn out wrong. And there are many more, fine is just the best option.

I walk, half awake half asleep, to the bathroom. Jesus Christ I look like shit.

I quickly brush my hair and put it in a bun, more like a failed one, but I don't really care. It's just school, not whateverland's next top model.

I wash my face and look in the mirror again. Nope, still a piece of shit.

Maybe some makeup will work? Probably not, but it's worth a shot.

Some concealer, to make you look less exhausted. Some mascara, to make your eyes less sleepy.

And voila, I'm still looking like ass.

I sigh deeply, walk back to my room and grab some clothes. A slightly dark green hoodie and blue jeans. That doesn't look so bad, it's giving a "I'm here for school, studying is important" kinda vibe, that'll do.

I grab my bag, put the books in it that I need for the day and check one last time.

Books, check. Pencil case, check. Phone? I grab my phone from my nightstand and put it in my bag, check. Headphones, check. Charger, check. Gum.. check. Other basic stuff, check. Ok I'm ready to go.

I go downstairs, drink some water, eat cereal. Then I run back upstairs to brush my teeth and after I'm finally finished I walk out of my house.

To the bus station. Yes I don't have a car, yes I don't have friends to take me, also my bike broke down (don't ask me how because only god knows) and of course my parents don't bring me.

Shit! No! I fricking missed the bus. Well that's a great start of the day, that's gonna be a 20 minute walk then.

Yes only 20 minutes, don't judge me, I don't have energy to walk. My head takes all my energy already.

As soon as I walk into school I hear that ugly fake ass laugh. Jesica. She must have this awesome time with her makeup hooligans.

While I'm just walking through the school I feel Jesica looking at me. She comes my way and opens her mouth. "You know.. you look like a nerd in that hood-"

Luckily the bell rings and I walk to class. Jesica.. oh my god Jesica. She's such a bitch. I can't believe I was friends with her, for 6 years, 6 freaking years.

The teacher signed up a test for tomorrow. I tried my best to focus, but I couldn't. I felt eyes on me all the time, am I looking that bad? What's wrong with me! Am I green? Well I kinda am with that hoodie, but why is everyone staring at me. I need to get out of here, I need some air.

Finally the bell rang and I rushed out of the room, straight to the toilet. I had a late start so it's lunch break now.

I lock myself into a toilet and sit down. I grab my gum, should I? Should I not? Should I?

I take a deep breath and open the box, grab the blade and roll up my sleeve. I'm thankful it's autumn, nearly winter, so I can hide everything under pants and sleeves.

I carefully brush the blade against my wrist, I see blood coming out of my skin. I slide again and again and again and again. I'm crying my eyes out, without making any sound. Just shaking, cutting and crying all at the same time and all alone in the toilet.

I clean the blade with a tissue I brought with me and clean my cuts. I bring a small first aid kit with me to school, not for emergencies, just for cuts. I wrap a small bandaid around my wrist and wipe my tears away.

I walk out of the toilet and look in the mirror. I look like a mess. Bye bye mascara. Luckily I'm prepared for anything and have an extra mascara in my bag, I fix my makeup and go out.

How am I going to survive the rest of the day?

Time past in hell and I'm now in science class. It's quite interesting, but you know, since my mind is fucked up, it's hard to appreciate it.

A guy sits next to me. I believe his name is Samuel. He's actually pretty cute. Brown hair, a little bit curly. Green ish blue eyes, friendly smile. He seems like a good friend. But I can't allow more people in my life, that'll be too hard for me and for them. I don't want to ruin someone's life by me and my shitty feelings.

As I take notes I hear a piece of paper sliding on my table. I look up and see indeed a piece of paper. It says 'Hi. Rough day? You seem tired' I look at the boy, he looks at his notes. I write on the other side of the paper 'I'm fine, thanks' and give it back to him.

Why does he care? Why did he even look at me to see that I am tired. Why? Why? Why?

He reads the paper and makes a new one. 'I'm Samuel:) Call me Sam' I write back 'I'm Elisabeth, please call me anything but Elisabeth.' he laughs but tries his best not to.

The bell rings and we both go our separate ways.

When I come home I go to my room, today sucked, but it could be worse. Ok, now I need to study for that test tomorrow before I fail.

I collect all the left overs from my energy. And then, as promised, I study really hard for the test tomorrow, I have got to pass this one.

----------------------------------------------

Heyyyy, this is chapter 2 already. I hope you like it so far. Let me know:) I'm curious.

This chapter is so long tbh (to be honest) I kinda like it. Should I make long chapters?

Without further uninteresting things from me, if it's already available, scroll to the next chapter;)