What is Normal? (Falsettos High School AU)

Carrots

- "Lovers come and lovers go."

     Going through with the plan was much harder than Marvin had anticipated. He forced himself to be affectionate with Trina and tried to stay away from those who were close to him. Avoiding his friends was bad enough, but trying to avoid Whizzer was almost unbearable.  After the first couple of days he received a text.

Whizzer: Are you okay? You haven't answered my calls.

     Marvin stared at his phone, before grabbing it and dialing Whizzer's number. He didn't know what he was doing, but he had to try and explain it to him somehow.
      "Hey. I haven't seen you recently. Are you alright?" he said once he picked up.
     "I'm fine, I guess." Marvin replied.
      "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. I feel awful for pushing you to be more open. I didn't think people did that anymore."
      "Did anything happen to you?"
      "Uh, no actually. I was surprised."
      "Hm. Y'know, I can't deal with this. This whole mess that being with you would cause."
      "Marvin, we can fix this-"
      "No we can't! We can't change how people think." He took a shaky breath. "If they're not willing to change, then I will."
     "What do you mean?"
     "I can't be with you without hurting myself. And I don't want to be with you if that's going to happen. I have to protect myself and if that means not being with you, then that's a sacrifice I'll have to make."
      "Can you hear yourself?" Whizzer yelled. "You wanted to be with me, and one thing happens and now you 'have to protect yourself'. I understand why you're upset but you're not the only one who's hurting right now. What about me? You may be protecting yourself, but you chew me out while I'm defenseless. Why can't we just get through this?"
      "Because I have a girlfriend!" Marvin screamed. They both were silent for a few moments.
     "You have a what?" Whizzer spat.
     "A girlfriend." he replied.
     "A girlfriend?! Marvin, you're gay! You don't actually care about her."
     "I'm not gay."
      "You kissed me!"
      "It didn't mean anything!" Marvin cried. "It meant absolutely nothing, alright? I was confused. I didn't know what I wanted."
     "You wanted me." Whizzer said quietly.
     "I don't want you. At all. And I care about my girlfriend, and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me."
     "Please Marvin, work with me here. Just explain what's going on."
     "I don't have to explain anything. I'm in love with her, not you. Alright?" Marvin's blood was boiling. He knew he was being irrational, but he was blinded by embarrassment and anger.
      "You said you loved me. If that didn't mean anything then, why does it mean anything now?"
      "Because I am not gay! I was confused. I feel stupid. So if you could get off your high horse and get over it that would be great."
      "Fine. Any other requests?"
      Marvin thought for a minute. "Just, leave me alone, okay? I don't want you interfering with my relationship."
      Whizzer sighed heavily. "Fine. If that makes you happy." He hung up, leaving Marvin alone to regret everything he'd said. He wanted to call him back, but Marvin couldn't pick up the phone again. After a few minutes of rethinking his previous decisions, he cried for the 2nd time that week, which was strange. Growing up his parents forced masculine stereotypes on him, one of which was not showing much emotion besides anger. But today was different. Today he let himself sob.

A week or so had passed, and Marvin had never been in such a terrible state. He never wanted to wake up, and he could barely sleep. The rare nights that he did only came after he'd spent hours thinking about Whizzer. He missed him so much that it hurt. Marvin barely spoke, and the only social interaction he had was the brief time he spent at lunch with Trina. It caused him even more pain to see her so happy all the time. She actually believed that he loved her, and she still loved him when he looked horrible and barely acknowledged her. Marvin thought she may just be desperate and would date anyone at this point.
"Marvin, you're barely eating. It's making me sad." she pouted as they sat alone that afternoon.
"Sorry." he mumbled.
"No, it's okay. I just don't want you to feel sick later. Here, have this." She passed him a small baggie of baby carrots. "They're healthy, and you really need to eat something."
"Fine." He took the carrots and ate them slowly.
"There you go. I have to get to the council meeting early, so I'm gonna go. Promise me you'll finish those?" He nodded. "Okay then. See ya!" Trina gave him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving down the hall. Marvin chucked the baggie into the trash and sat in silence for the rest of the period. He noticed Cordelia and Charlotte shooting him worried glances, but they had been giving him space since the locker incident. Though he was grateful for it, he needed someone else to talk to. He strode over to them and plopped down into a seat.
"God, Marv', you look like hell." said Charlotte.
"I'm alright."
     "No you're not. And we deserve to know what's wrong." He looked at his friends concerned expressions, before letting everything pour out: kissing Trina, fighting with Whizzer, and how sick he'd been feeling.
     "Oh Marvin, that's awful." Cordelia rubbed his shoulder. "Is there anything we can do?"
     "I don't know. I think I'll have to fix it myself. It is my fault."
     "Do you want any advice?" Charlotte asked.
     "Not now. I wanna get my mind off things for a bit."
     "Well, I was thinking off skipping class, going for a drive. Wanna join us?" Cordelia grinned.
     "That'd be great." Marvin smiled for the first time all day. He definitely needed some time with people who would help him.

994 words

A.N.// this story is #1 in "Mendel" oh my gosh :D