Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter 33

Colby's POV:

Today is the day of her funeral. It'll be the last time I ever see her again. That is, until I die. Is it bad that I can't wait for the day I die, just so I can be with my mom? The past few days I spent in my room or making small talk with my dad. We're both having a lot of trouble with this, but I think it's harder on me. Mom and Dad never had a great relationship, but they stayed together for my sake. Of course they still love each other, but not as much as when they decided to marry. My mom and I always had a close relationship. When we were separated, we'd call almost every day. I know most guys are closer to their father, but I wasn't.

I put my tuxedo on and ran my fingers through my hair. I'm not in the mood to actually style my hair, so all I did was comb it. I threw on my black shoes and went outside to get in the car. Everyone else was waiting for me, so as soon as I got in, we left. As we drove down the street, I replayed all the fun things I used to do here. All the dumb things Sam and I would do. I had a good childhood, but I've never been content with my life or myself.

When we arrived at the building, we entered to find that all the other people were already here. They were all sitting down, waiting for it to start. My father and I walked up to the front to start it off. "Before everyone walks around, paying their respects, Colby is going to make a speech." I stood up in the front with a microphone. My hands were shaking, and i was really hot. I'm already having a tough time, and I haven't even started yet.

   "Most of you were close to my mom. You all know how much she cared for everyone around her. You know how much everyone cared for her. My mom was an amazing woman. She was smart, funny, kind. Sure, she could be annoying sometimes, but then again, everyone is." I paused and took a deep breath before continuing.

   "She was, is, my best friend. We had fights just like everyone else, but no matter what happened, we were always there for each other. She helped me through everything. When I was sick. When I went through a tough time. She has always supported me." I felt tears dripping from my eyes, getting harder and harder to control. My voice was shaky, but I knew I had to finish.

   "I know that she may be gone from the Earth, but she will never, never be gone from our hearts. Through her battle, she touched so many people's lives and hearts. She was the one who didn't give up. Who didn't stop smiling after hearing the news about her cancer. I will always admire that about her. Mom, I love you, and I always will." The tears were now pouring down my face, it was too blurry to see anything, but I could see my dad nodding his head and giving me a thumbs up.

   I walked quickly down the aisle to San and Cassie and gave them both a huge hug. Sam was sobbing, and Cassie shed some tears. I wish my mom could've stayed longer, so she could meet my girlfriend even though I know she would approve. She always wanted to be there for when I propose to my future wife and she wanted to be there on my wedding day. Why did the damn cancer have to take her?!

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*warning: triggering*

   After a couple weeks of mourning at my old house with my dad and brother, Gage, I'm back home with the roommates. Since I got home, I've been seeing a therapist. It's not helping though. My depression is getting worse everyday, so bad that I don't even want to be here anymore. I want to die, to be with my mom. It should've been me that got sick. It should've been me that went through that pain. I don't have a will to live anymore.

   I grabbed the thing that I haven't even looked at since Cassie got here. My razor. I held out my wrist, inspecting the areas where my old scars used to be. I'm so messed up and ugly. No one loves me. The thoughts twirled in my head, as I made cut after cut. The blood poured out of my arm like a river. The satisfying feeling of the pain was nice to feel again. I'm now remembering why I used to do this all the time. Because it helps. The cuts numb the pain I feel on the inside.

*safe*

a/n well this chapter is kinda sad and it's leading up to the last few chapters. i want to know your guesses. what do you think will happen?? i feel sort of mean with the ending i'm gonna give you, but at the same time i don't. i'll just leave you with that small hint i guess. bye. xx