Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter 36

Colby's POV:

I woke up and turned my head to the left, seeing Cassie peacefully sleeping on my shoulder. Although I loved our date last night, I'm still in the same mental state. I don't think it'll ever get better, which is why I have to do it. I can't take it anymore. I gently shook her and whispered. "Cass, wake up. We have to go home."

"Okay," she replied, stretching slightly. I stood up and gave her my hand for help. We made our way down the ladder and got into the car. Starting the engine and putting some music on, I drove away.

   When we arrived back at the house, Cassie and I went inside to find it empty. No one was home, so I assumed they all went out for breakfast or something. Cassie and I both went to our own rooms. I laid down on my bed and just thought.

   I'm really going to do this. God, they're gonna be so hurt and upset. I feel awful, but I can't deal with this pain anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't be here anymore. It's unbearable. I'm just going in a downward spiral that doesn't ever seem to stop or get better. It just keeps going and going, getting worse each minute.

   I was in my room so long that it's late at night now. Everyone is in their room sleeping. I took the notes out from my desk, brought them downstairs and placed them on the kitchen table. There was a note for each of them and one on top for the whole group to read. I spent days writing them, making sure each sentence was perfect and sounded just the way I wanted it to.

   I walked outside to my car, locking the door behind me. I quietly opened the door and drove off to the one place they know of but would never look for me there. Suicide bridge. They would never suspect it. I put up an act during the last few days, so they thought everything was normal. I don't want any of them to ruin my plan. I need to do this. I'm not meant to be in this world anymore. I'm not strong enough to live a full life. I'm weak. I'm stupid. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm annoying. No one likes me. They don't fucking care if I die.

   As soon as I got to the bridge, I jumped out of my car and ran to the edge of the bridge. Looking down, I contemplated any last second thoughts. Mom wouldn't want me to do this. Cassie wouldn't want me to do this. So why am I? Because the voices are telling me to. I tried to fight them, but it's impossible. No one can help me now. A strong urge suddenly takes over me, my feet just barely on the bridge. With one last step, I feel myself falling, falling until I slam against the ground, immediately in pain. I feel myself quickly slipping away, closer to death with each breath. With one last breath, I choked out. "I'll see you soon, mom." My eyes shut, and I can no longer feel anything.

   I see the light getting brighter with each step, a small figure in the distance. "Hello?"

   "Colby, what have you done? You had such a great life ahead of you." My mom's voice rang out through my ears, as I sprinted over to her.

   "I missed you. I couldn't take it anymore." I replied, looking down ashamed. "I'm sorry." She didn't say a word, but instead hugged me tight. I made the best choice, right?

a/n y'all are lucky i updated tonight because my clumsy ass was opening a can and somehow managed to make a deep slice in my thumb. it hurts pretty bad, and i'm trying to type gently so it doesn't start gushing blood again. i hope you enjoyed this chapter even though you probably want to kill me right now. I swear though, I did this for a reason, so please read it.

my reasoning:
-most books that have a depressed, broken character use a female. i wanted to show that guys can have the same feelings. a lot of people forget that there are guys who have these problems and i wanted to show that.
-most books i've read that are somewhat similar to this usually end happily. they romanticize depression and suicide, and i didn't want to do that. in my book, i showed the reality. not a fairytale we wish would happen to us. sure, there are those people that get their happy endings in life, but there's also all the people that take their lives because of they can't handle it. there won't always be someone to save you. the only person that can truly save you, is yourself.
-i wanted this book to be different. i didn't want just some sappy love story (because we all know i suck at writing those). i wanted a book that could bring you through multiple emotions, and i hope it did although it probably didn't because my writing isn't that good yet.

*please read*
when i wrote my reasonings, i noticed that some people might take part of it the wrong way. in no way am i trying to say that some people aren't saved by a significant other. i'm sure that could happen, but it's not realistic in my eyes. i do want to say though, if anyone reading this ever needs someone to talk to at all, please come to me. you can fangirl, you can rant, i don't care. i just want you all to feel like there's somebody out there who cares about you. i don't know your issues. i may not know how to help in every situation. but i will listen to whatever you have to say. if you don't have a friend, pm me (because me neither) but also because i want you to have someone in your life to talk to. i hate seeing people that don't having anyone. i hate seeing people upset. so please pm me if you want or need to. you are all loved, and i really do hope that you know that. i appreciate and love all of you. you're all amazing and beautiful people.

thanks to anyone who read through my entire authors note. i don't expect anyone to though to be honest. i may be writing a sequel, so be prepared. comment your thoughts below on what happened and what you want to happen in the sequel. thanks. ily all. bye. xx