We're Going Under (Cameron Liddell)

• And I Don't Even Know Your Name •

{ e i g h t }

fuck.

I was still frozen, and by the panicked look on Camerons face so was he. We're screwed, this is officially the end of my life. I felt his arm jerk just as the door opened to the lounge we were in, and in a team effort of him pushing me the other other side of the sofa, and me jumping into the spot we were safe.

I let out a sigh just as Sam came in smiling sleepily. Honestly, how the hell did that even happen?

I almost kissed Cameron. I wanted to kiss Cameron? Okay, I need to clear my mind.

This isn't right. I barely know Cameron that well. Other than the odd greeting and smile, we don't really speak.

He is attractive though, a thought in the back of my head popped up, and I found my eyes lingering on him, and I nodded before I could stop myself.

Get a hold of yourself Kate.

Startling me, the film credits rolled up onto the screen with a loud backing track. I pulled myself up from the sofa and forcefully made myself smile at Sam, avoiding looking at Cameron at all.

"I'm going out for a walk, um...I'll, yeah, I'll be back later. Tell Danny." I spluttered out, Sam look at me in confusion and then nodded slowly yet unsurely.

"be back soon." I said more confidently. He smiled at me as I walked out.

I didn't look at Cameron because I was worried about so many things. Worried that I would freeze again, worried that the moment would get awkward or uncomfortable, but most of all, I was worried that his face would show regret. I couldn't handle that.

I mean sure, we almost kissed. But, that doesn't mean I want him to regret it. That doesn't make any sense in my head whatsoever.

I walked out of the bus into the cool crisp air, there was a gentle breeze brushing past me, dragging leaves with it and tree's were blowing back and forth in sync. I walked away from the bus into the cold air, feeling the crunch of leaves beneath my feet.

I walked for about an hour until I reached an old park, it was empty. It looked almost abandoned. The path leading through the park was overgrown with weeds, and I couldn't see above the grass. The swingset looked ready to crumble at the next brush of wind, and the slide was a rusted-brown colour.

I pushed myself through the grass and past the rotting structures and continued walking until I was met with a lake. Perfect.

Well it was green, and covered with a gooey suspicious looking substance, but it was perfect for my situation...I guess.

I sat near the edge of it, and then lay down looking back up to the sky, remembering yesterday with Cameron and his little run-in with the dog.

The lake left quiet whistles in the air making a peaceful environment, perfect for thinking.

I thought about everything, my drinking and waking up on top of Oli Sykes.

Not the perfect person to be waking up on top off, but it could have been someone a lot worse.

I still can't remember what happened the night before. All I know is that nothing could have really happened with Oli because we fell asleep in front of all the others.

Maybe I need to drink less. I almost snorted at the thought, like that would happen.

I thought about my friends in high school, we were the school sluts who were known for sleeping around. I obviously didn't, but nobody knew that. Three of them have children, one is pregnant and another in jail. I'm so glad I didn't end up like that.

I thought about everything. Just to get it all off my mind.

Even though Danny can be an asshole, he's still my big brother, no matter how many people call him horrible things and a manwhore, it's his life, and he can live it with my approval.

I hope he thinks the same for me.

I love him, he's an awesome brother. Always has been, he helps so many people through his music and I'm proud of him. He worked to get where he is today too, I remember I always used to laugh at him trying to play guitar, but nobody in the family knew he could sing.

It didn't take long for my thoughts to land on Cameron.

We almost kissed... It's not like we were really close before, he was the only one in AA that I hadn't really bonded with, I'm glad really, but at the same time I'm not.

Cameron. I smiled a little. Even his name makes me smile now? What the hell?

I just don't get it. I hate being close to people, but when I'm in his arms I don't actually mind it. When we were on the sofa earlier I was actually comfortable with him.

Maybe it's because I've known him for so long, I do feel quite comfortable around him.

Was I happy when he didn't sleep with a slut last night? A little. I know I'm happy when I see him too.

Do I like Cameron?

"No!" I shouted into the park, a few birds near me fled at my sudden outburst away from me.

I can't like Cameron like that. Danny would kill us both, the band would end, Danny stresses how OFF-LIMITS I am.

This is so fucked up.

I pushed the thought of liking Cameron out of my head, into the back of my mind where it would stay, forever.

I can't do that to Danny.

It's probably not even like that, I'm probably blinded because he's good-looking. It's probably just that.

It's got to be just that.

Okay. Decision made. Tonight, I go clubbing, and I'm going wild. I need a break.