Forever (crawford collins)

Part thirteen- Thinking

I said goodbye to Crawford and decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood,i hadn't really done that yet surprisingly enough after living here nearly 4 months. It was about half past 5 and it was just starting to go dark,it was perfect. I love that time of night when It just starts getting dark,its so peaceful.

I started walking and I remembered I put my headphones in my pocket with my phone,i put them in and started listening to my music,music normally helps me clear my mind and it certainly had it's work cut out.

I had more on my mind now than ever after what Crawford said,i couldn't help but feel bad. He opened up to me and told me everything and I still have this huge part of my life I've not told him about. The more he spoke to me today at the park the more I realised he is the one i want to be with.

Everything about him is perfect,he would be perfect for me. He has everything I look for in a boy,i just wish my issues would lay off so I could make my dream of being with him a reality.

I wonder what he meant by he can help me and he was going to fix me. A disappointing thought came to me,what if I am too broken to be completely healed?what if my mind is telling me it will be okay and begin to repair my heart just to knock me back down again? I pushed it to the back of my mind.

I couldn't forget what I felt when Crawford hugged me though,that feeling of getting better,maybe just maybe these walls would break down a little more if I let someone else I care about in apart from mom and hanna. I can't keep this a secret from Crawford, I need to tell him about my problems,he deserves to know. If he's serious about me then he should know about my broken past and the aftermath. I really do care about him,and I'm going to tell him about all this,i hope it doesn't affect his feelings for me.