To Be A Killer

Chapter 69: Shoot The Runner

"You're doing really well, Runner Five," Moonchild praises, and I smile, my teeth still chattering from my cold wet hair. Apparently my 'drying off' was letting the wind dry me off as I ran. It really is a good thing I can't get sick, or I would have fallen ill far before I reached Abel.

"Thank you," I say with a shaky voice as I keep trudging along in the snow. I'm so tired. I've been going on for hours without stopping.

But I don't want to stop, because she doesn't want me to stop.

"I want to support you, like the branches of a great oak. You told me how Sam's always been so supportive of you; I totally understand that."

"Sam," I whisper. Oh, how I've missed him. It's been weeks since I've seen him. I'm so happy I'm going to get to see him again. I'm going to show him how amazing this feels.

This is wrong.

She's going to make you kill him just like she made you kill Caleb.

My steps falter, just for a second, but Moonchild doesn't notice.

"Like my dad-he always had my back. Whenever anyone criticized me, he was always the first to come to my defense." She pauses. "He died, my dad, a few years ago. Really sent me off the rails, but in a different kind of way, sort of... went onto the rails. I learned so much from my grief. I became a different person, like, you know, like an incredible butterfly emerging from a cacoon, or those seeds that only germinate from fire.

"The natural world had so much to teach us. Sometimes something has to die for something else to be born. I know you understand me. I find our chats so enriching."

I look down at my arm, where the patches would be-the patches she put on me during our chats. They were uncomfortable at first, but I got used to them. She told me I'd get used to them, and I did.

"Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I do love you. I do. It's like, yeah, you were always meant to come to me. You're the first one, Five. What I've really done, what I've always dreamed of, what I saw in my visions. You're the first one who stayed exactly yourself, just changed your perspective. That's all I hoped for!

"And you know, all that we have together, it could have never happened if you'd stayed the same. Things have to die, man. It's the circle of life."

I tilt my head to the side in wonder. Why does she keep talking about death? She didn't tell me we were going to destroy Abel.

But she didn't tell me she was going to have me blow up all those Comansys ships, kill all those people.

Kill Caleb.

My steps falter again.

"You're almost at Abel. Keep running."

The tones play in my ears, and I feel that little bit of anxiety and resentment slip away. I just want to do what she says, even if it means destroying Abel. It's for the greater good. That's what she said. It's in humanity's best interest.

Those are the phrases that keep repeating over and over again in my head, but still, I hear the whispers, the murmurs of my own mind.

This is wrong.

It can't be wrong. It wouldn't feel this amazing if it was, right? I don't understand why this would feel so good if it was a bad thing. I'm doing good. I'm doing the right thing.

I can see Abel on the horizon. It's harder to see in the darkness, but I see the red beacon of the coms tower flashing. I feel my smile broaden. How I've missed this place. It's been two weeks since I left Abel, and now I'm so glad to be home again. I'm so happy that I'll get to see Sam and Milo and Penelope again.