uncontrollable | ethma (e.d & e.c)

-n i n e-

Emma's POV

"fine i guess, why?" i ask. that was the first thing i could think of saying back.

andre: well all my comments are filled with 'ethma' shit whenever i post
emma: i haven't noticed..
andre: is it real though? he asks, smirking at me.
emma: no andre we're just friends
andre: yea sureee
emma: so the weather...how about it? i try switching conversations.

the rest of the car ride i try not to act awkward. i yelp the closest thrift stores near us on melrose. we pick a few and walk around the street. thrifting should be able to get my mind off of ethan. i go to the first area and skim through some jeans that came first to my eye. i started to daze off again.

"emma", i hear, the voice was almost as if someone had been whispering right in my ear.
i shake my head, "what".
"i've been trying to get your attention for like a minute...are you okay?" andre asks me.
"what the fuck are you talking about, i'm fine."

he gives me a strange look, he knows me too well. he knew that i was acting different.

"whatever then, can we keep looking around?"
"yea go 'head" i reply.

what was wrong with me. i didn't even know i was dazing off. i kept seeing something. i think of me and ethan dating, and the world knowing. voices in my head start to go at me. the world. this starting to give me anxiety. i start breathing heavy. i see that andre was across the store. i grab the closest pair of jeans and walk fast over to the fitting rooms. i throw the jeans and try to control my breathing. the voices in my head were eating at me, calling me every name. i sit on the little bench in the room and put my hands on my face. i just can't. i checked my phone in my back pocket. i was in the room for a good ten minutes. i haven't had an anxiety attack since high school.

i start to control myself in the room and grab the pair of jeans. i put the jeans back and find andre looking at sunglasses. he started trying a few on.

"where the hell were you?" he asks me.
"in the dressing room dumbass" i respond sarcastically. he laughs.

we ended up not buying anything at the stores because of all the high prices. as we walk out of the last store, i see someone who looked quite familiar. i look at him for 0.4 seconds and notice that it kinda looked like ethan. why the fuck would ethan be here? he's probably playing fucking fortnite or some shit. i didn't want to look again because he would notice. when we go into the car, i look in front of me. i see the guy and look at him more closely. as he got closer passing us, i realized it wasn't ethan. at all. i was hallucinating. wtf?!

"so where are we going to take pictures?" andre asks.
"um i don't think i can today, actually. i'm starting to feel sick." i lie.
"oh...ok, we can do it when you feel better i guess." he looked kind of disappointed. we had a whole fun day planned and i literally lied to his face so i couldn't hang out with him.
"yea thanks for understanding"

after i drop andre off, i exhale as loud as i could. even though we were very close, i don't want anyone to see me like this. i wasn't feeling myself today. i feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

grayson: hey e, can
you come over?

emma: um i guess, why?

grayson : do i need to
have a reason?

emma: just asking bitch,
didn't ask for the attitude