uncontrollable | ethma (e.d & e.c)

-s e v e n t e e n-

Ethan's POV

i can't control anything. i want to tell her, but my mind won't let me. when we get back to la we're just not going to talk at all.

i feel like i'm the only one in interest. i start the conversations, i suggest we hang out or whatever. i end the conversations, i end it.

the sound of my alarm scared the shit out of me. the worst way to wake up. gray and i had to be at the airport at approximately 5:00 am. it was only 3:00. my body wasn't going to function at this time, so i crashed. i lay on the opposite side and quickly fall asleep.

i suddenly feel myself rocking slowly, what the fuck.
"ethan wake the fuck up! it's 4:50..." i groan, rubbing my face. "ethan! get up!"

grayson continuously snapped at me until he pulled me out of bed. sleep hasn't been an option for me at all, the last thing i focused on was fucking sleep. my eyes shut, uncontrollably.

i felt the constant urge to check my phone, expecting some sort of text or snap from emma. maybe she was busy with her other friends, or fucking ignoring me.

the sound of grayson yelling at me every five seconds made me want to just fall asleep and escape my problems temporarily. our flight was around seven hours, which was enough time to catch up on sleep.

i slept through most of the flight. a notification buzz on gray's phone startled me. he was dead asleep which is a never occurring moment. i softly move myself closer to reach for his phone, "emma" was the contact texting him.

my heart beats rapidly, and felt like everything stopped. like all eyes were on me. i thought they didn't text often, guess i was wrong. why was she texting my brother? in order for me to see the message i had to unlock his phone, using...face id.

he held it lightly in his left hand, his arms seemed stiff. i felt a rush of guilt through my veins, but my gut telling me to carry on. it had to be about me. i just knew it.

i move his phone over to face me, to unlock. surprisingly it worked easily and i was in his phone. he has a special attachment to his phone that it's concerning. he's always typing some dumb shit, i always thought he actually found a girlfriend, then i tell myself that it's grayson. he had about ten unread messages, most of them coming from emma.

the conversation looked like a therapy session. she typed her heart out to grayson, while he was reassuring her with advice and such. i peek over at him with a nasty look.

when he would wake up, i now know what he's been hiding from me. i didn't want to look like a little bitch, so anger took over. a part of me wanted to yell at gray and another wanted to break up with her.

if i hesitate i'll do something fucking stupid. i gave it some thought. over and over but came to no conclusion.

if she was going through shit i thought she knew i was there for her, not grayson. she ignored me the whole trip, damn. this shit hit me hard, i guess.

i wanted to continue reading the text messages but i just couldn't. my heart got hit by a fucking bus or something. it's hard to put it into words.

my mind fills with anxiety of coming back to la. facing her, looking her in her eyes, talking to her. i didn't want to obviously but i don't want things to get any worse.