uncontrollable | ethma (e.d & e.c)

-e i g h t e e n-

the pitch of her voice filled my body with a cold breeze. the words didn't process in my mind quick enough, leaving me stunned.

emma was dead staring into my eyes, yet i wasn't uncomfortable. it was a sweet stare, a pleasure.

i remain in the same position after my mom had hung up the phone.

"baby..." she grabs my phone and puts it back on the nightstand. "you okay?"

i hated being sad around her, made me feel fucking stupid. we were doing just fine and the news had broke me.

without saying a word, i walk out of my room to check up on grayson. he was playing fortnite, as always.

"mom called.." i start off. there were so many ways to explain to him, i had to make sure it sounded right.

he spins the chair around to face me, taking off his headphones with a gentle stare.

i explained it thoroughly about our dad. the doctors told my mom he has cancer, again. he was getting better since he was first diagnosed.

grayson's mood changed quickly as i spoke. he covered his face with his hands and drooped down dramatically.

"so we're going back?" he starts to get up like he was packing already. he looked out of it. i didn't want to bother him much, knowing how sensitive he is about the topic.

he kneels down on the ground, covering his face.

i put my hand on his back, signaling him to get up. gray pushes me away.

"dude don't fucking cry...."

"get out dude. go fuck your girlfriend or some shit." i raise my hands as if the cops caught me and walked out.

emma appeared in the hallway, eavesdropping the entire time. her face filled with a worried expression.

she points towards grayson's room, asking if he was okay. it was really easy to understand each other with just hand motions.

i shrug. she pulls me away from the area outside.

"ethan i should leave. you need to go home." she held my hand up to her face, and let go.

i probably had an intimidating look on my face, because she looked at the ground for the longest time.

"yeah but i literally just fucking came back."

"i don't give a fuck it's an emergency, your dad literally-"

"let me finish." i interrupt.

she pauses, shifting her weight over to one side. now she was staring hard.

"...come with us." i hesitate. she quickly shakes her head and starts to walk towards her car.

"i can't ethan." she takes her keys from her pocket, unlocking the car.

i walk around and sit in the passenger seat to finish talking.

"why n-" i pause. it came to my mind. nothing had been confirmed yet. she still wasn't ready, but neither was i. the topic was always something we avoided.

we didn't know how, when or anything. fuck. i just want to be free and happy. i see every other couple out here being cute and shit in public. while emma and i fucking hide at each other's places. privacy is nice, but sometimes i wish we could show each other off and shit without feeling the pressure of everyone surrounding us.

i look over to see her fidgeting with her keys. i love her the most. leaving was the worst part.

"you can go now e." she says softly. we meet eyes and look away at the same time. i turn to look at her again and kiss her on the cheek.

"ew-" she laughs.

"shut the fuck up." we knuckle each other as a smile appears on her face. that's all i needed.

—————-

Grayson's POV

i never expected ethan to say those words together again. i wanted to fucking punch a wall or some shit. anger was the emotion i wanted to show but i couldn't. fucking. do. it. i just broke down.

i expected ethan to help me, or talk to me like he did last time the news broke a few years ago. i remember that day perfectly. he left the room so fucking quick for emma.

i know they're dating but goddamn can they ever leave each other alone? i wanted to be alone with ethan, but if i were to tell him i'd look like a fucking lonely ass pussy.

he does anything to rub it in my face that i don't have a girlfriend. he's probably insecure or some shit. i usually tell him to "fuck himself" and laugh but it's been getting to me recently.

last time i got into a serious relationship, shit ended quickly and bad. the slightest thought getting into another one scared the shit out of me. leaves me awake at night.

i knew going back to jersey would be difficult for ethan, but i could care less. he doesn't give two fucks about me at all.

i try my fucking hardest to get my mind off of my dad, nearly impossible. i don't normally cry or shit but i did. and now ethan thinks i'm some bitch now. he showed no emotion.

i felt the betrayal after i heard the front door open. they were probably going over to emma's house so i don't hear them flirting or whatever they do.

i look outside to see them in her car. i felt guilty like i was "invading their privacy". i wanted to make sure i was certain, that i lost him.

flashbacks flushed through my mind, again.