WARNING BEFORE READING: THIS SERIES IS TEMPORARILY DISCONTINUED, I PLAN TO SLOWLY REWRITE THIS BOOK
SCREAM (v)
utter a piercing cry
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She wants somethings more than herself. She gets something more than she can handle.
// Set in Season 4+ //
Book...
Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.
- Lana Del Ray
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“WHAT WAS IT LIKE?”
Sam asks me the question. I should have expected it, but it still manages to catch me off guard. “I mean, what happened to you. What did he― the devil want from you?” He lays on one of the beds up stairs as I sit in the armchair in the corner.
“I don’t remember.” I lie once again. “I told you that.”
“You know who you’re talking to, right?” Sam asks, his worried eyes boring into mine. “You don’t have to lie. If anyone will understand…”
“It’s you.” I sigh, bringing me knees to my chest, “Yeah, I get that.” I wrap my arms around my knees and rest my chin on my kneecaps. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“When Dean went to Hell, he didn’t want to talk about it either―”
“I didn’t go to Hell, Sam!” I can’t stop the yell that emerges from my throat. I widen my eyes when his face contorts. “I’m sorry…I…I was locked in this house. Trapped. There were these magic boundaries that I couldn’t have got passed if I tried―”
“But it wasn’t just that…” Sam acknowledged, seeing my tense posture.
“I felt alone. I hated it. But now I hate myself more. He tried to break me. My mind. I was forced to kill Dean and Cas on repeat. And it felt like forever.” Sam’s face shifts when I mention Cas’ name, but I’m too nervous to ask. I don’t want to know, so instead, I continue.
“He tried to kill my best friend. From Topeka. She knows everything now. And hates my guts.” I comment blankly. “I also found out that it’s my fault my mom is dead.” Confusion spreads across Sam’s faces, urging me to continue. “A snapped neck wouldn’t have killed her. She was like me. When we gave her a hunter’s funeral-” I stop talking, not able to say the words.
“Row, I’m so sorry…” Sam apologizes, “We didn’t know.”
“Neither did I, Sammy.” I say blankly. “You could never tell, but the devil beat me senseless when I tried escaping. That’s why I trust Crowley. If he didn’t show up there…I would still be with Lucifer. Still killing Dean and Cas on repeat. Still wanting to die.”
Sam clears his throat. “D-do you still want to die?” He asks me hesitantly.
“I’m not sure yet.” I answer honestly, “I don’t really know if what he did had any impact. I don’t know if there’s scars in my mind that won’t heal. I need to wait and see. I still haven’t caught my breath. In fact, I think I’m still holding it in.”
