It's A Gay Thing

4 //

4 // Pris

I go back home, a silly smile still plastered on my face from seeing Dani. I open the door to my house and hear my mom's voice resonating from the adjacent room. She's most likely talking to Neil.

"Hey mom," I tell her, entering the kitchen. Neil is sitting on the same chair as this morning, and my mom is leaning back against one of the counters.

"Hey sweetie," she smiles at me. "How was your day?"

"Good," I reply, trying to tame my grin before she starts bombarding me of questions. "It's all good."

Before she can say anything else, I rush up the stairs and head towards my room. I sit on my bed and exhale loudly, rubbing my fingers over my eyes. I got her number. Now what? I hate texting first. I always feel like I'm bothering the other person, or that they must not want to talk to me, given that they didn't text me first. Then again, no one likes to text first for those exact reasons.

I sigh and sit up. If she could text me first, my life would be so much easier. She probably won't text me. I mean, we just saw each other less than an hour ago. I'll have to wait at least until tomorrow. Tomorrow seems like such a long time though.

My phone vibrates between my fingers and to my disappointment, it's only Arianna. I roll my eyes and lay back on my bed. I can't believe I'm all up on Dani, when there's still Angie. It doesn't seem right. Dani talks to me in a way Angie doesn't. I mean, she talks to Richie that way, but not me. Angie makes me feel like I exist, but Dani makes me feel like I matter.

I glance at what Ari is telling me and honestly, it doesn't look thrilling. I put my phone on my bedside table and stare at the ceiling for a while. I wonder what it's like to be someone's everything. I have a hard time thinking that someone would die to see me walk by or, thinks I'm attractive or - has a crush on me. It seems completely impossible and unimaginable to be sincere. I just can't wrap my mind around it. What would anyone find so interesting in me? I'm me, not some incredible person. I'm average and as much as that's reassuring on one hand, it kills me on the other.

I think Dani likes me. Then again, maybe she doesn't. I tend to see signals that aren't there, dreaming about something that isn't real. At this second, I really want to imagine how it would feel to kiss Dani, but I know she doesn't like me like that so I shouldn't torture myself with such thoughts. But I want to think about it.

I feel like my heart is on steroids. I can't control my feelings and that's what frustrates me the most. I barely know Dani, yet she's in all my thoughts.

I cross my arms against my chest. I can just feel it. I sense that something big is going to happen between me and Dani. I don't know why I feel this way. I get the impression that there's something concrete building between us, and that seeing her today, for example, wasn't a coincidence. But this could also be the biggest let down.

I'm so scared of being disappointed and having my heart shattered to pieces all over again.

My phone buzzes again. I roll my eyes and pick it up. I scroll through the messages Ari has sent me and realize that she's bugging me about attending another party. As I'm reading, my screen changes, telling me that Ari's trying to call me. I don't think she saw the check sign next to her texts.

I pick up, "Yeah?"

"Did you read it?"

"Yeah."

"So, are you coming?"

"We've already been to a party."

She sighs, "Are you for real? What would you rather do? Wait on Dani's text?"