• Levi •
I've wished for death too many times to count when I was a child. Too bad only my soul died, not my body.
Now that i'm older, I refuse to give up.I want answers.
Answers that my family can give me. A family that doesn't even know I exist...
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• Levi •
I'm losing oxygen and my mind is spinning while a hot mouth is nibbling the sensitive skin of my neck. I close my eyes, wondering if this is a good idea. My body, however, is having the time of her life. Bitch.
A moan escapes my mouth, while my hands mindlessly wander over the solid back of Mayhem. The mouth leaves my neck and I feel him lifting his head. I slowly open my eyes and stare back those intense eyes, eyes I seem to drown in more often than I would like to admit these days.
I was being so cocky before, but this son of a bitch can change that so easily. It pisses me off a little, how much power this man seems to have over me. I told, no, promised myself to never let anyone control me the way that man had in the past. But here I am, completely vulnerable.
I open my mouth, wanting to say something when I hear a knock on the door. Mayhem groans, glaring at the door with murderous intent. That look changes when a voice yells from the other side of the door.
"Levi, open the god damn door." my brother yells. By the sound of the voice, I already know we fucked up. "Fuck" Mayhem pushes himself of me, taking the warmth and comfort with him. I push myself up on my elbows while looking at the door. "Now what?" I ask, raising an eyebrow while looking back at Mayhem. "Let's face the music" he groans again, clearly not happy. I have to wonder if it's because of the interruption or the fact that he now has to face my bother on the other side of the door.
He slowly gets up from the bed and walks to the door, pulling it open a little too roughly. My brother immediately glares at him and Mayhem being, well, Mayhem, does the same.
"You know the rules" Saw growls. "Ah, for fuck sa-" I begin, already done with all the testosterone in my room. "Shut up" Saw spares me a one-second look before glaring back at Mayhem. "He knows the rules." I want to say more, but for some reason know it wouldn't be in Mayhem's favor.
Saw steps aside, giving Mayhem room to walk out of the room. I make my way to follow them, but after a look from both men, I know I'm not allowed to. Well then. This is pissing me off more by the second.
"Stupid, fucking men and their idiot rules" I mumble while letting myself fall back on the bed. Immediately I ask myself what the fuck happened to my rebellious attitude. Since when did I let other people order me around.
"Because you want to stay here" I mumble to myself after some more thought. The thought of leaving actually scares me. Yup. Scares.
I look back at the door and listen to the excited yelling from downstairs. Gritting my teeth, I once again get up and throw the last pieces of clothing that were still on my body on the floor. Naked, I walk to the small bathroom and put on the shower.
Letting myself sink in the superficial warmth that feels so disappointing in comparison to Mayhem, I drift away in my thoughts, trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Not only to my body but also my mind that is now once again, trusting a man.
•••••••••••••••
*warning warning, little rant incoming*
It's been... A while... A long while. I know. I don't even know if most of the people who read my story are still "waiting" for my story (I know some are), but I wanted to write (It's 3 AM and I have to finish an essay in two days, stress is real). Even if it's just a small chapter.
I wanted to write again some months ago but had no inspiration what so ever. The chapters I wrote were, shit? I didn't want to publish them and decided to not write at all for a while. I'm sorry about that. Not only that, but school pressure has tenfolded for me. I had no idea University was going to be this tough for me. Awh, so naive.
I don't handle stress well, causing me to get tired all the time while not being able to sleep at the same time. This causes me to be, well, as unproductive as one can be. Writing was the last thing on my mind. Oh, I peeked on here every once in a while and I felt happy and guilty at the same time while reading some of the comments or messages you guys wrote. Some comments made me laugh as well, so thanks for that.
So, here is a very little chapter that gives me the opening to write again. Like I said, I was a little stuck and had no idea where the story was going. I improve while writing, so a lot of the stuff I publish is impulsive. With this small chapter, I can start up again. I am going to read my own story first because I need to be back up there again with all the characters and events etc.
I'm not sure when I will publish next, but I will a lot more regularly than before. Not as much as in the beginning, probably, but I won't be radio silent again.
Sorry for the rant, thank you for reading, sorry for waiting so long.
I really love you guys though. Some of you are funny as hell and adorable (in my messages). Thank you.
