Only Because I Need You

Chapter 44: Come Back

Ethan felt his eyelids drooping. After several hours of running around after Caitlin and Iris, stopping them from putting forks in sockets, knifes in toasters and metal in microwave - they had finally managed to get the girls to sleep. They lay on the beds in the medical wing. The pair had insisted on pushing the beds together so they were lying side by side. Barry had no choice but to let them after spending and hour convincing the pair that one bed was too tight for two. The speedsters were sat on opposite sides of the beds, both reclined back into armchairs, inches away from sleep. At least Ethan thought they both were. Upon further inspection, he noticed that Barry was in fact staring intently at his wife, a small smile tugging at his lips. A sharp pang stabbed the time remnant in the chest. He remembered that feeling. The feeling of utter contentment and pride. Pride that Iris was his. That was in the past. Ethan has thrown away all of those feelings when he had decided to murder her.

Grinding his teeth he shook his head and look at Caitlin's delicate features. Frowning he realised he had never noticed the slight red hues to her hair. When she was lying so still and so peaceful... she looked beautiful. Ethan felt his heart clenched, how had he not noticed her beauty before? Heat tickled his cheeks. What was he thinking? He shouldn't have been having such thoughts! "So... Ethan," Ethan nearly mistook Barry's voice for his inner monologue. The speedsters' eyes met over the women and Ethan, feeling too tired to talk, simply hummed in response. "You and Caitlin...?" Barry raised a provocative eyebrow.

"No," Ethan choked out very quickly. Pulling his brows together he shook his head firmly, "no." Barry sent him a sly smile and his eyes were alight with a playful fire, "no, why would you.... no," he made his last objection more forceful than the others, but Barry didn't seem convinced.

The Scarlet speedster sat back in his seat and sent Ethan a cocky smirk, "I know so much about you..." he sang, "you can deny it all you want..." he trailed off with the shrug of his shoulders.

Ethan recoiled backwards, "why would you think that?" He squeaked, fully award he was acting entirely strange. He was also painfully aware that he couldn't help it.

Barry's smile fell into one much gentler than before, his warm eyes fell down to Iris, "it's the way you look at her..." he mumbled, "I know the Barry in you inside out. Don't try and hide him from me," the speedster rocked in his chair. Ethan only let out a huff of air in response. A comfortable moment of silence passed between them, the first in years. Ethan inhaled deeply. He was enjoying the moment, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. For years part of him had been craving having a team, friends, a family. For years he had missed home. His home. The home he knew, not the home that discarded him like trash.

"Thank you for today," Barry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with a huff, "we found ourselves in quite a mess, didn't we?"

"You could say that," Ethan replied softly. Another silence fell over them. Ethan's mind began to wander, his eyes flickered shut and his mind was beginning to go blank, but not for long.

"Ethan..." the man in questions' eyes snapped open. Barry's face became clouded with emotion, "about the future. I am sorry for what happened. I'm sorry you were hurt so bad because of my selfish decision," the Scarlet speedster couldn't look the time remnant in the eyes. He was too busy fidgeting with the corner of Irises bedsheet. Subconsciously Ethan's fingers rose to his face, tracing the edges of his scar. Barry did that. Barry was capable of hurting him. Yet he was Barry, he did it to himself.

"Our, selfish decision," Ethan countered, "I was still apart of you when you decided to create flashpoint. So by default, some of the blame should fall to me." Barry looked like he had been slapped across the face. He raised his brows and opened his mouth to say something, but Ethan cut him off, "you weren't the only reason for my hurt either. Iris was dead, I felt that just as much as you. Not to mention Caitlin was an insane frost Demon and our whole team was falling apart,"

Barry stared into his lap, "that didn't make it right," he mumbled.

"Nothing will ever make it right, but you aren't to blame. You will never do it in this timeline so by fault, I can't blame you, I shouldn't have blamed you," Ethan felt a crushing pressure he hadn't know was there lift off his chest. He sucked in a shaky breath. Hardly believing what he was hearing, he fidgeted with his fingers. What was he saying? Why was he saying it?

Barry sent him a goofy smirk, setting alight a fire in Ethan's chest that he had long since forgotten about. He sent the speedster back a much more muted version of the smile, but it was still a smile. The time remnant's eyes drifted to Caitlin, what had she done to him? How had she done it to him? Shaking his head, he realised he might never know. He hadn't even noticed he was changing until it was too late.

Cisco sauntered into the room. A mild smirk of amusement crossed his lips as he took in the sleeping women. A lolly pop rested between his teeth and his hands were stuffed into his pocket as he hummed a familiar tune gently. Ethan stretched his arms above his head. His whole body ached. Without realising it, he began to circle the inhibitor cuff on his wrist. Almost as soon as the girls were retrieved Barry had put it on him. Ethan didn't blame him, Barry had been betrayed so many times before that being cautious had become a second nature to him.

Cisco leaned down on the edge of the bed, curly locks fell in front of his face, "trust me when I say those girls are so out of it that they won't wake up till at least noon tomorrow. You two should both go and rest," Barry nodded his head and pushed himself from his seat, followed suit by Ethan. They had some serious catch up on sleep to do. Ethan nibbled his lip. Part of him didn't want to return to Caitlin's apartment, or leave her side. Her home would feel empty without her and he was paranoid that something bad might happen in the night. What if their drinks had a slow releasing toxin that could kill them? What if the Lab was broken into by breachers? What if her heart just stopped beating in the middle of the night?

Realising he was staring at her, he tore his vision away. Barry and Cisco had already made their way out of the room. With a huff he followed them. He had lost more than his edge, he was a sword with only a hilt.

A/N: AHHHH. I FINISHED THE BOOK. I am going to go back and rewrite the ending and probably add a chapter though. So not fully finished. Just most of it. Anyway, thank you all for reading that far, you have eight/nine chapters left. I will follow my regular update schedule until the whole thing is done. Then I will just bombard you with chapters ❤️. As a small celebration for finishing, I thought I would give you an extra chapter. Hope you enjoyed!

-Potato 🥔