ᴍʏ ᴍᴏᴍ ɪs ᴡʜᴏ? ✔︎

Cravings Pt I

| Cody |

I usually love my best friend. Usually, because she's chill and supportive, but on days like this, I want nothing to do with her. She's restless, like a puppy that desperately needs to go for a walk.

I watch as she packs a backpack, stuffing her cleats and shinguards in, alogside a few water bottles and a protein bar. She sets it on the floor, alongside a previously packed bag.

"Why are there two bags?"

"One is yours, duh." Jack deadpans while she rolls her eyes at me.

She approaches me, grabbing my wrist and dragging me from the comfort of my bed, despite my attempts to remain there. Shaking my head, I finally cave in and follow my annoying friend downstairs to the kitchen, coming face to face with the adults.

"Where are you two going?" Hope asks, looking between Jack and I. I shrug from beside my best friend who takes it upon herself to answer.

"The fields to practice. We're meeting Jordyn there." She states and my head snaps in her direction.

"What? When did you get her number?"

"I don't have it. I stole your phone." Jack smiles at me as though there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just glad I have nothing to hide on it anymore.

"I want to get to know her, you said she's going home tomorrow."

I don't argue with Jack, I know better. However, I'm shocked when I hear the adults in the room say that they're tagging along, too. The 'adults' follow up in their own vehicle while Jack drives us and Krashlyn. Thankfully it's a short drive to the fields and the couple in the backseat are quiet as Jack drives, choosing to listen to the radio instead of making conversation.

The drive gives my mind a chance to run, and no matter how much I try to control it, I can't. My mind replays all of my bad decisions, and being this close to Ashlyn reminds me of our talk about my pill popping, which then reminds me that I haven't used in a few weeks, but the cravings are always there. I can try and keep my mind busy, focused on something else but it's hard when I'm stuck in a moment of silence. All my cravings come back ten-fold, to the point where if I think of pills, I can actually taste them in my mouth, making me want them more.

"Codes? We're here." My best friend shakes me, her hand on my shoulder and a look of concern on her face. I give her a small smile, hoping to ease her worrying and I climb out of the car. I spot Jordyn almost immediately, unfortunately though, so does everyone else and she's already surrounded by the time I get there.

"Hey Canada." I speak up, drawing her surprised attention to me and away from the crowd that she obviously wasn't expecting. I return the smile my Canadian friend sends me and she steps forward, engulfing me in a hug that I cherish, knowing she'll be going home tomorrow and not knowing when I'll next see her.

"Hey Morgan." Jordyn playfully punches my arm when she pulls away, turning her attention back to the group.

_________

Jack, Jordyn and I pass the ball around, each taking shots into the empty goals as the Pros get their gear on.

"Damn. Baby Morgan has a cannon for a right foot." I hear Ashlyn say, turning I look to her as she finishes speaking, "I want to be on her team, I don't wanna save any shots from her."

Over the next hour we play, occasionally changing the teams. Someone always being the ref since there was nine of us. Thankfully, with Ash and Hope here, we had designated 'keepers, as well as Ali, Kelley, Tobin and Alex. The only downside was that I wasn't in my mom's team, ever.

Right now it's Hope, Ali, Jack and mom, against Ash, Kelley, Tobin and Jordyn, which leaves me as referee. Lucky me, right? I'm pulled out of my internal complaining when Jack kicks the ball over the bar, and I'm sent over to retrieve it, despite the fact that we have a bag full of soccer balls. I get the ball, juggling before flicking it up to catch it, when a voice stops me.

"Well, well, well. See, girls? Little Cody, all alone." Jo starts as she glares at me. Her small group of followers giggling and snickering behind her. I raise my eyebrow, silently asking if I can leave only for my teenage tormenter to continue. "I told you, didn't I? She's such a faker. Where's your famous mother now, Cody?" Jo snipes at me, a finger prodding at my chest when she closes the distance, making me stumble backwards slightly.

"You don't have anything better to do with your time, Jo?" I furrow my brow at my bully, slapping her hand away from my chest. Ever since the party where she cornered me, to put it nicely, I've hated her being near me, but to have her hands on me? I'd rather stick a finger in the electrical socket.

"Don't touch me, golddigger." Jo grits out, her posse of immature bitches giggling once again. "You probably don't know anyone famous. What did you do, Cody? Walk too close behind her because you were too scared to ask for a picture?" Jo references my mom as she once again closes the space between us, neither of us hearing the others approaching.

"Get the fuck away from my daughter, and don't dare call her a golddigger." I hear the unmistakable raspy voice of my mother and I watch in amusement as the color drains from the faces of the girls in Jo's little posse. My bully backpeddles when Alex stops right beside me, an arm around my shoulders, as Jack steps to my other side. I spare a glance to my mom, to see a look that I've never seen before and I instantly decide that I never want to make her that angry because that look is terrifying.

I hear Jack chuckle as Jo's posse abandons her, the pros also taking that time to walk away too, when it appears that Jo is about to leave. When I'm left alone though, she's stops retreating and comes back - true to the form of a bully.

"Your mom won't be around to protect you forever." She pushes me, but I don't retaliate which pisses her off even more. "I'll get you back for this."

"For what?"

"For embarrassing me!" She shoves me again, and I stumble back until I hit something. I turn around and see Jack glaring at Jo, who turns and leaves. My friend and I both watch her, intent on knowing if she's really leaving this time, but she does. I turn to leave, too, only for my friend to gently pull me back.

"What is it?"

"She'll 'get you back'? Max, we gotta get those pills out of your locker when we get back to school, she'll have a field day with that." My best friend squeezes my hand, silently telling me she's not being passive aggressive but I know she's not, that's more my  style, while Jack is more up in your face and straight to the point.

______________

It's been a few days since that encounter with Joanna, and I tried to shake off the feeling that everything is about to get so much worse, and I don't mean because Jack and I are back at school - much to the joy of the adults at home. Krashlyn and Jordyn went home too, the house is definitely a lot quieter without Ashlyn to play video games with Tobin and yell at the TV and her National teammate.

My mom was thrilled that she got another chance to drive Jack and I to school, I can tell she's missed that part of my growing up, and Jack was more than happy to let someone else drive her to school.

"Have a good day, baby girl." I smile as my mom kisses my forehead, something that she does often but it always makes me feel safe. I look at my mom when she pulls away, watching her as she glances over my shoulder as we stand at the car, her stare turning cold and deadly. Glancing behind me I see Joanna watching us, her posse considerably smaller than it was a few days ago.

"Don't worry mom." I say firmly, dragging her attention back to me. Her eyes softening immediately. "I'll see you later. I love you." I hug her goodbye, smiling as she tells me she loves me more. My friend and I wait until Alex gets back in the car and drives off before we enter the building.

"I've been meaning to ask." Jack starts, "Did you ever call Kristie?"

"No, I dialled her number. A few times, actually, but I just couldn't call her." I sigh out, waiting for Jack to tell me not to call her, or anything disparaging about Mewis, but I'm left surprised when she doesn't, or she just doesn't get the chance as the bell goes and we shuffle our way to class.

_____________

Jack and I are first to the locker room for practice, and I'm thankful for it. We both get to work fast, getting the pills out of my locker and I watch as my best friend takes them from me, putting them in her pocket and rushing to the bathroom to flush them. I understood why she took that upon herself, probably not trusting me with them and I don't blame her. Lately my cravings are becoming too much and I don't trust myself.

"Where's your little protector?" I hear a voice ask. A voice I don't like, belonging to a person I don't care for.

"Give it a rest, Jo." I sigh, not even turning to face her. It's obviously bothering her as I hear her footsteps rapidly approaching before I'm being forcibly spun to face her.

"You think because Alex is your mom that you can talk to me like that?" She grits out through clenched teeth, her face reddening in anger.

"My mom has nothing to do with this. You treated me like this long  before I knew about her, so leave my family out of this!" I shove her back, much to her surprise, and mine. She quickly gathers herself though as is evident when she pushes me back into the lockers, both hands on either side of my head, anchoring me in my place.

"There's something going on with you and I'll find out what it is. Maybe the press will help, I mean, you did make a pass at me at the party." She trails off while I look at her like she's disgusting, but also so fucking stupid. I shove her away again, with strength I didn't know I had.

"I didn't do shit to you, and you know it!"

"You liked it though. Have you always liked it rough?" I study her face, trying to see if she's serious or just trying to get a rise out of me.

"Fuck you. Stay the fuck away from me."

"No Cody. You fuck off." She grabs my bag from the bench and drops it in my arms. "Don't come back to practice and I won't ruin your life."

"You can't be serious. That's ridiculous." I tell her, but I know she doesn't care. Ever since it came out that my mom is who she is, Jo has been trying her hardest to get me off of the team.

"I'm serious. You know people will believe it when they see it on Twitter. The juicier the gossip the better."

I don't reply to her, I just leave. I know she's right, people don't care about digging a little deeper for the truth. Gossip spreads too fast and I have to think about my mom, as well as me. I can't ruin her life, her reputation. I can't.

As I walk through the halls, heading to my locker, I completely forget about Jack and how I just abandoned her. I don't think about what Jo is gonna tell her about why I'm not there anymore.

I make it to my locker, grabbing the books I'll need for homework later, and just as I'm about to close the door, I spot it. The pill bottle, the last one I have, and my thoughts take over.

What's the point? Without soccer your life is over anyway. Nobody will believe any lie you tell them about giving it up. Just take the bottle. Just one pill, one pill is okay.

The thoughts continue until I'm dizzy and it doesn't even register in my brain that I've picked the bottle up.