bad boy | jjk ✔️

thirty one.

⚠️ trigger warning; please skip the end of this chapter if you can't handle dark themes.

your pov

The past few days after leaving the hospital were just recovery days, physically, emotionally and mentally. Just thinking about the memory that the gun shot just frightens me.

She's really gone. The girl I wished I was when I was a child, the one who helped me through every single hardship. The girl that stood up for me when people were being mean to me, she was the muscle.

    I had also learned that everything wasn't an accident. They had planned for this to happen for a long time—and every little thought I had of my family being innocent was all false.

I sat on my bed criss-crossed as I stared blankly at the wall, deep and lost in my thoughts. Jungkook has been nothing more than sweet to me. I felt bad for him, even, that he had to take care of a mess—me.

    I couldn't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything seemed so... dark and dreary. I couldn't find myself recovering from what had happened a week ago. It hasn't even been a month.

    The thoughts that I had bottled up had exploded, and my somewhat happy self just shut down. My smiles became fake, and my happiness with him lessened. Jungkook seemed happy, but I wasn't. It's not his fault, though. I'm just unable to accept everything—especially since it had went by so quickly.

I didn't want to tell him, that the thoughts were back. The ones that had almost made me take my life before. I fought through them back then, but I don't know if I can right now. I'm too vulnerable. I'm too weak to fight, again.

I wish he didn't have to deal with this, with me. My mood has been shifting around a lot, as well. I've been snapping at Jungkook for small things and feeling so many emotions within a short amount of time.

The door creaked as it opened, Jungkook coming in. "Princess, I haven't been able to talk to you for awhile personally, but I know that somethings wrong," he scratched the back of his head.

Jungkook still felt bad for making me the one that shot her. I kept telling him that it was the only way, but he always brushed it off and made excuses of how he could've been there faster.

"Whatever it is, I'll wait for the time when you decide to open up to me." I really didn't deserve him. He seemed hesitant on what he was about to say next, but he spoke up anyways. "Namjoon hyung just called up and needed me to run a few errands, it'll be quick, how about we catch dinner later? There's something I need to tell you." He smiled, his bunny teeth showing. The smile that once brought me happiness now brings me sadness.

I nodded my head and gave him a forced smile as he gives me a kiss on the forehead before leaving. It's like a repeat of events, they all leave. Maybe it's just me, but everyone has just closed their doors on me.

    Eomma and appa, as well as Dae-suk. The one that brought me the most pain, physically and emotionally—Jae-eun.

Why are you here then, if everyone has left?

Stop.

It's not like anyone would notice that you'd be gone, you don't even have anyone here with you anymore. They're all gone.

Jungkook will leave you, Y/N. It's only in the matter of time. He'll find a time where you're happy again, so he can just break you apart.

No.

At the state you're in, you're on a thin string and he probably won't hold on.

You're useless

Worthless.

    A burden.

You can't do anything right.

I couldn't feel anything. I'm tired from everything, I'm numb. I needed to feel something, I needed to feel success, pain, even.

I had held up my act for so long that finally, it all comes crashing down on me. Everyone is gone, everyone left me. And to think it's not my time yet is so wrong. Everyone that, was there for me from the start, left.

    Nobody could make me stay here. Delay might be the word, but I will be the one that's leaving next.

I slowly placed my feet onto the floor as I broke my stare with the wall. Fuck this. If it's not my time then I'll make it my time.

    I opened the door to the bathroom as I stared at myself in the mirror.

So weak.

Pathetic.

Un-loving.

Alone.

I locked the door behind me and opened the cabinet, finding a new razor that Jungkook hasn't used yet. I broke the blade off, luckily it was sharp. Just what I needed.

I just need to feel pain. I needed to find the relief and know that I'm alive.

Maybe this is my fate, I thought as I walked over to the bathtub, placing the plug in so the water wouldn't drain when I turned it on.

Tears slid down my cheek as I my thoughts evaded my head. Nobody will miss you. You should've done this a long time ago. I could've done this years ago, but something stopped me.

    Stopped me until now.

Jungkook loves you out of pity.

I turned the water off as it filled the tub almost to the rim. I slid into the water with my clothes on. I took a deep breath as I placed the razor right above my previous scars.

"I'm sorry."

And I sank the blade into my skin.

[EDITED]

if you think this was
sudden please keep in
mind that she's been
having these thoughts
since her family's
"accident" and when
she learned that it
wasn't an accident
it caused her thoughts
to come back.

I just blessed u with
a double update