bad boy | jjk ✔️

thirty seven.

your pov

"We haven't gotten anywhere, Y/N." My therapist said.

"Well maybe I don't want to fucking talk." I bit back, angered at her prying.

She didn't flinch or react to my words, her face stayed blank as she continued doing her job. "What made you do it? What made you think you are worthless?" She asked for what seemed like the 50th time. I didn't want to open up to her, though. The only person I ever opened up to left.

After my ugly crying phase, I was pissed. I couldn't cry anymore, all the tears have been drained out and all that is left is just... anger. Anger for being abandoned and anger at myself.

"I'd rather talk to my b- ex boyfriend about this than talk to you" I avoided the question. If I started a sentence, she'd know my whole life by the end of the session.

It's been a few days since I've gotten out of the hospital and I'm recovering well physically. Mentally, I'm broken. It was like my whole mind repeated itself from 10 years back, hurt--but the difference is that this time, I was the one that caused it.

    "If you keep these things in, you're going to get yourself hurt." She disrupted my thoughts.

    "I'm already broken, no one can fix me..." I whispered quietly.

    Apparently she heard me. "What caused that?" She pushed.

    I already said too much. I couldn't say I killed my ex best friend and how my ex best friend's family killed mine. I couldn't tell her how I was involved in a gang. I couldn't tell her how broken I am because she'll see through me. She'll be able to see every little thing I've been trying to hide.

    No matter how thick my shield is, she'll find out because that's what therapists do. They push until they find what they need. I need to keep a mask on.

    "I don't even know why Taehyung signed me up for this." I muttered as I played with a strand of my hair ignoring her stare.

    "He signed you up because he cares, Y/N. It's nice to know people are there for you in your worst time," she said plainly. "My parents were never there for me when I was around your age, they were always surrounded in work, and I'm guessing yours are too." She continued.

    I was surprised. She was, in a way, correct. I couldn't seem crack her gimmick or surprise her. She always kept this plain emotion on and even if I said the most shocking thing but she'd still have a normal face on. I want that mask. That mask to keep things at bay even if it was the most heartbreaking thing. I wish I had that mask when Jungkook left. "By your expression, I'm guessing that you are going through that too. You know, your friends are always there for you. And you can always lean on them." She tapped her pencil against the clipboard

    "I've heard stories from clients before, and I know you have a story too. You don't have to think of me as a therapist, you can think of me as a friend." She said.

    Something I don't have. Yeah, I have Bangtan, but they're family. Friends, no. They backstab you and they hurt you. They make you feel like you've done things wrong and they make you feel fragile.

    "That's something I don't have, Miss. They backstab you and they wait to strike. Friends know you the best, so when they find you at your worst, they push you down with them."

    "So think of me as family then," She said, writing on her notepad.

    A whole-nother story.

    "Family? I lost them a long time ago. I don't have any family. They left me here alone." My voice turned into a whisper at the end.

    I had realized that she got most of the information she needed. She pried me open without me even knowing. I stood up from my chair as she stood up as well. "Many people are here for you, Y/N,"