The Hotel Cortez - Do Not Disturb

Chapter 17

I sat at the bar, glass of whiskey in hand, as per tradition. I took out a pack of cigs and placed one between my lips.
"Fuck! It won't light!" I yelled, exasperated.
"That's because you're a ghost now, honey, not a witch." Liz sympathized, filling my glass with more of my favourite golden liquid.
"Fucking bullshit!" I fumed. "Got a light?"
She smiled and lit my cigarette calmly.

"Being a ghost blows." I sighed.

A couple hours passed at the bar before I heard anyone else enter. That's when that familiar voice rang through my hair. The raspy kind of voice you only get from decades of chain smoking, alcohol and drugs.
Sally.
She was ordering a drink.
I saw red.
Her blonde frizzy hair inspired this rage in me that I hadn't felt since before I'd died.
"BITCH!" I yelled from across the bar. She looked up at me with a sheepish smile.
A smile? Was she fucking serious?!
"Hey there Bella" She finally spoke.
"That's all you got to say? You fucking murdered me and that's all you got to say? I tell you what, you better think of something better than that or imma have to get creative... You'll be wishing you could die all over again when I'm done." I spat out.
"Now that's the kind of fire I've been missing." She smirked.
"What?!"
"Oh come on, you should be happy. You can stay here forever now... With me. We won't be alone anymore." Her eyes teared up like I'd seen happen so many times before.
"I can't even look at you without seeing the person who murdered me." A tear rolled down my cheek as I yelled "We weren't alone before... But now we are. We are because I could never be anywhere near you after what you did."
At this point she was so close to me that I could smell the smokey scent that followed her around brushing against me and holding me down... Just like she'd done before I took my last breath.
"Don't go, don't do this, I did it for you! I did it for you!" She leaned forward, trying to grab onto me.

"No. You did this for you. I almost pity you, Sally. Almost. You brought all this on yourself. Just get the fuck away from me and don't you dare EVER come back."
"No. No please." tears now spilled from her cheeks as she oozed a desperation that I rarely saw from her. She was usually so numb to the world.
"GO AWAY!" I screamed, slamming my eyes closed.
When they opened, the room was empty. I was alone once again.
My body fell to the floor, hands wrapping around myself as I cried.

This was my life now.

This was it.

I wished for it all to be over... But that could never happen now. I was stuck here in this eternal hell. This emptiness. This loneliness. This heartbreak.
Some think death is the worst thing imaginable. Those people have never felt what it feels like to know that none of this will ever end. To know that you're trapped here forever without any release.

My only comfort came from knowing that I wasn't totally alone. But one day, they'd leave just like everyone else. Liz would die. She'd want it to be here but she'd get sick, she'd leave one day and never come back. Elizabeth would run off into the sunset with some man, or she'd walk outside those doors and get killed by one of her jealous ex lovers. And James. James would get bored, he'd leave just like Cane had done.
I'd seen it all a million times before. I knew how this story played out.
And every single time, I was left alone.

Totally and completely

Alone.

"I'm not good enough for this world." I whispered.
"Honey, honey, are you okay?" I heard Liz rush over to me. Her arms wrapped around me as she lifted me up into a sitting position.
"I want it all to stop, Liz. I want it all to just stop." I cried.
She hugged me tightly, rubbing circles on my back.
"C'mon, lets get you upstairs." She smiled, helping me to my feet.

Next I knew, I was in room 64 once again.
I lay down on my bed, a small smile halfheartedly plastered onto my face.
"Nobody's ever been as good to me as you have... As any of you have. You, Iris, Elizabeth... James."
"You deserve to be around people who treat you better." she smiled, closing the door behind her.

"No I don't." I croaked out.

My dreams were filled with memories.
The abuse.
The neglect.
Everything.
How my boyfriends all hit me... Just like my parents... Just like everyone. How I used to cry every night because I was in so much pain. How I used to get up every morning with a brave face, acting tough as I knocked back a glass of whiskey. How I used to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I jumped awake.
My hand drifted down to the bottom of my black T-Shirt, lifting it up slightly. It then grazed across the scars that were drawn across my skin.
I'd been stabbed, punched, hit with bats, thrown out of windows, thrown out of cars, pushed down stairs, kicked and slapped. I'd been taken advantage of, I'd been betrayed, I'd been left alone.
And yet, none of it hurt as much as knowing that in the end... Everyone leaves.
And knowing that sometimes it wasn't because of the people I chose to surround myself with. Sometimes it was my fault. Sometimes it was because I just couldn't help myself.

So, I wasn't going to be selfish like Sally.
I was going to do what was best for the people in this Hotel that I'd come to love.
I wasn't going to hurt them like she hurt me.

I was going to find a way to get out of here.
I was going to leave.