minnow // sirius black

nineteen

19 : goodbye

I made it to St. Mungo's. They put me in a room on the 3rd floor, the only floor other than the ground floor that had a fireplace connected to the Floo-network. They immediately started an IV drip, pumping me so full of antibiotics that if the Plaque had tried to get into my body, it would be disintegrated.

Arlo warned me that as soon as it passed, I'd be incredibly hungry.

I told him I doubted that, I hadn't been able to keep actual food down for nearly a week.

He smiled, as if he knew a secret I didn't, and then left the room.

I was completely alone. It was silent, and as I breathed, I could almost hear my lungs filling, and emptying. My body didn't hurt so badly, now that I was laying down, bedridden.

The first face I saw was Mum's. She had tears running down her face, and she was white as a ghost. Dad followed her, his face sullen, and sad.

"Oh, hi," I said, lifting my head for a moment before letting it fall back. "It's so good to see you."

"How are you feeling?" Dad asked, sitting beside me as Mum took a seat in the chair on the opposite side. She took my hand and pressed it against her face. Her eyes were closed, and her eyebrows were furrowed.

I couldn't imagine the pain she was in.

"I'm okay," I smiled weakly. "My lungs are burning, but that's a constant. Oh, and, my head feels like there's a party going on - one that I wasn't invited to."

Dad smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and holding me against his chest. He kissed the top of my head, and breathed in my hair. I knew what they were thinking.

This is it.

James still hadn't shown up. I'd been in St. Mungo's, slowly dying, for three days, and he hadn't even came to say hi. He was MIA, and even Mum and Dad couldn't understand why he wasn't coming.

The door creaked open, and my heart lifted. I tried to sit up before I saw that it was Dad. I fell against the bed, my heart back in my stomach. I turned my head away from him, my eyes landing on the empty vase beside the bed.

I didn't think about it, but once the door was shut, I grabbed the vase and threw it against the wall.

I started crying uncontrollably, and my monitor started freaking out. Dad rushed to my side and wrapped his arms around me, trying to calm me down.

My heart hurt so badly. I missed Sirius more than I thought possible, and I wished Lily was here just to read to me. I wanted Remus to sit next to me and play Sudoku, asking me what I thought even though he already knew the answer. I wanted Sirius sitting next to the bed, holding my hand and staring at my face, or sleeping with his head beside me.

I wanted James' arm around my shoulders, holding me as if it would keep me there. My twin brother was all that I wanted - but he was selfishly angry. He knew I was dying, and he knew I wanted him by my side. He'd been willing to stay beside me as I died less than a year ago, why not now?

Why was he denying me the one thing I wanted?

I understood he was angry, hurt, and trying to process it... but I was dying. I wanted to say goodbye to him, but he was making this mistake.

James would hate himself for the rest of his life if he did not get to say goodbye, and I knew it. He would remember our last moment forever, and he would never forgive himself for turning away from me when I genuinely needed him the most.