minnow // sirius black

fifty

50 ;  aubrey

The rest of May and June flew by within what felt like two weeks.

Since I wasn't as awfully high risk anymore, I wasn't bedridden, but I had no motivation to get out of bed. I was back to the mindset that I had after my parents died. I was stuck in the constant loop of useless despair. All I wanted was to make the world a better place for Esme and her sister, but now?

There was nothing I could do.

Albus had forced Lily and James to move to a small cottage in Western Scotland, an entire day away from Sirius and I, so we never got to see them. He had tried to force us to move as well, but he had wanted us to go to the United States - and neither of us were willing to uproot our little lives to move to a completely different continent.

I wanted nothing more than I wanted to be in Lily and James position instead of my own.

While the Prophecy could be speaking of Alice and Frank's son, there were no other girls to be born in late July. There was only my daughter. My miracle.

I was unbelievably angry. I was furious that this was happening, that the universe hated me this much. That the universe wanted to destroy me this badly, to sign a death warrant for my daughter and my nephew.

By the second week of July, I was unable to really feel anything anymore. I was completely numb to any emotion other than anger and fear.

Sirius was trying, so hard, to keep his head above the lake of hopelessness that surrounded us, but it was difficult given that his wife wasn't exactly capable of speaking anymore, and his best friend was a country away and was forbidden from sending letters.

The joy of having our second daughter was gone; replaced by hesitant impatience. We wanted her in the real world, so we could protect her. So she could be protected by more than just me.

Dean was permanently here, rarely ever able to leave to visit his family. The only time that Dean got to go home was when Remus was visiting, which was not as often as we all would like. The fear of being followed or captured was too great amongst all of our friends. We stopped seeing Peter around the time that Albus sent Lily and James away from Godric's Hollow.

Remus came over every so often, admitting that he would spend a few days prior to the visit ensuring that he would not be followed. He didn't know why he needed to be so careful, but he still obliged.

We had not told him - and when he asked Sirius why I was in the state that I was, he simply said that everything was just too much for me at the moment.

Our friend accepted the excuse, and when Lily and James told him about the prophecy that foretold their son's involvement in the war, he likely pieced a bit together. My brother and sister decided that it was my decision whether Sirius and I would tell Remus, and we appreciated the privacy. The truth was too much for us, so we told Remus that we were simply overwhelmed and paranoid.

That was the truth, albeit an understatement.

Everything was too much.

On July 26th, I had a normal day - the new normal, anyway.

I woke up before the sun rose, made my way to the kitchen to eat breakfast and make something for Esme, before I woke her. I'd feed her, let her play in her room, and then return to my bed.

Sirius would wake up around noon, make himself something to eat, and then make Esme lunch. I'd read, and he'd offer me whatever he had cooked. I would eat it, slowly, while I read. I'd then thank him quietly, and he'd smile.