minnow // sirius black

fifty-nine

59   ;    if only

Unsurprisingly, Sirius was not happy that I had snuck out of the house. 

He and Remus spent an hour chastizing me as if they were my parents and I was a rebellious teenager who'd snuck out to go to a party with a bunch of older kids. 

Clearly, I was not. I was an adult, completely capable of making decisions and being safe. 

Besides, I was with James. He'd never let anything happen to me if he had even the smallest say in it. 

I found their collective concern quite amusing and yet, somehow unbelievably confusing too. It was entirely Remus' concern that confused me, not my husband's. I could not decerne if he was actually concerned about my safety, or mad that he couldn't have ratted on us. 

That familiar pang of guilt hit me in the gut the moment that I stared at him thinking, You just wish you'd known, so you could tell your new friends, aren't you?

No matter how badly I wanted to chastise myself for thinking of Remus that way... How couldn't I be suspcious of him?

There were several Order meetings between my twenty-first birthday and Esme's third birthday. I attended all but two, and was assigned to three missions in that time as well. The healthier I got, the more relaxed the meetings were. Yet, the more relaxed they were, the more it felt like we were actually doing something. 

They were energizing, and empowering. Knowing that we were making even a small difference meant the world to me. Everyday that I woke up, I knew that my parents would be proud of how brave I was. 

But they would be equally disappointed that I kept letting Lily and James make excuses as to why they were refusing the Fidelius Charm. Her newest excuse was that it was unnescesary, that they were 'safe enough' with their current situation. A sitaution that made it impossible for me to visit my brother and see my nephew. A situation that was so identical to my own that I was convinced Lily was just too stubborn to accept help. 

I kept my mouth shut, even if everything I heard her say no as she rolled her eyes I went into a daydream about telling her off. 

There was a small mission that I was apart of a few days before Aubrey's first birthday. It went rather well until Remus and I were ambushed by a handful of Death Eaters. They targetted me very intensely, four of them on me while there were maybe one or two on the others. 

We were outmatched, four to eight. It was me, Remus and the Prewett brothers, against eight unnamed and unknown Death Eaters

"Avoid that one," I mumbled to Fabian as I ended up back to back with him. I was gently motioning to the one that was dueling Remus and almost overpowering him on his own. "I am quite certain that it's Rodolphus Lestrange."

"That means his wife's here?"

"If she is, she won't be alive for much longer."

"Jemina-"

"She killed my parents."

Fabian's eyebrows furrowed as I blocked a spell approaching him from Gideon's duel. I surveyed the dueling skills of the other Death Eaters, paying careful attention to their wands and methods of casting. 

In a moment of stand still in my duel, I sent a very quick spell at Rodolphus. I had managed to manuever to a large oak tree, and while I waited for the three attacking me - one of the four was bound in the middle of the opening - to throw a spell, I ducked behind the oak tree and sent a silent stunning spell at Rodolphus. He froze and fell to the ground as I came around the other side of the tree, throwing my binding spell at one Death Eater and a silencing spell at the one I knew couldn't do nonverbal. The moment the one was silent, I sent a stunning spell at him. The second that the other one's wrists snapped together like a magnet and his wand fell to the ground I turned to the remaining one.