The Boy With The Blank Stare: Punishment Time

Chapter Three: Crystal Clear

Sometimes I wonder how it ended up like this. I mean, I was perfectly...ok not fine but at least numb to most things one or two months ago.

Sure I would still be affected with fighting and negativity but I never really felt much. It just felt like a stinging pain.

So why did Saihara have to come? Because now the small sting that led me to trying again and again is now fire.

And why did he now suddenly admit he is probably no help to me at all. Am I being selfish? Is it wrong to want support? They have their own problems. I know that- but do I really have to be left to my own methods?

I guess I should have expected this. I mean friendships are about supporting each other, like how I used to help Chiasa as she slowly became deaf.

"I wonder how it feels listening to those screams in that room~"

I shivered as I tried to calm down. Why...why does this darn event still curse me...?

I could hear Saihara chatting away as I sighed, I'm not going to bother him. He could probably use better friends anyway...

'let's do it, your dream and then we can stay friends forever'

Forever...that guy took away that forever. I paused, I wonder how many people were behind what happened that night...

I wonder how many people either looked the other way or decided that we all deserved to die all because we weren't good students and we did small crimes.

I wonder how many people actually know what happened in this town and did nothing but sit back and watch...

I wonder how that many people could hate them enough to want to erase everything that happened.

I gritted my teeth, and there's probably nothing I can do about it...no. I shook my head and clenched my fist.

No. I'm done, I'm done with this. I've tried to avoid it for so long...can't even count all the times they abused me on the streets either verbally or physically.

But they aren't the ones driving me the most crazy. It's him. It's all his fault, him and his sense of 'justice' killed my friends and left me alone to suffer the wrath of everyone who just watched and laughed.

I'm done.

I'm done being numb. I'm done having these memories and that night plaguing me every waking hour and every waking minute.

Saihara can't help me with this. I already know what has to be done. He probably wouldn't be on board anyway...

But what does he know about what this is like? He couldn't even answer my question...so it's up to me I guess to answer it for myself.

I'm done hiding.

-/-/-

"Ouma!" Kiibo called and I could feel them moving "today was so long, sorry we can't help you but I'm sure your going to forget it one day" he assured me.

Really? Come on I was the liar.

"I'm hanging out with Yonaga today...something about advertising and gaining more followers for Atua" he told me.

"Can...can you actually hear me...?" He asked all of a sudden, "like...are you actually listening...or was Momota lying...I've seen you talk to others...with your actual voice...so please...why won't you talk to me?" He asked.

I didn't really know how to respond "I still don't even know why...why you tried to do that...why you kept trying to...this town isn't even bad...am I the problem?" They asked.

"Was it your Mom? Everyone in class? What did we do Ouma?!" He screamed. I gripper my hands tightly.

I can't tell you...

"PLEASE JUST ANSWER ME!" He pleaded "ask me that annoying question! Tease me! Please I...I just want to hear your voice...I just want to know that I matter to you"

I paused unsure how to respond.

Kiibo took that as an answer "so...that's how little...huh?" He asked and I signed 'I can't' I told him simply.

"Do...you know at least why Otome tried?" He asked and I froze. Otome and him...they were going to date weren't they..."I was so happy...I thought she was happy...so why...why did she do that...? Is it really like they all say...did you really make them?" He asked me.

I raised an eyebrow confused "people are saying you forced them to prove themselves...they are all calling you a soulless monster...that isn't true right?" He asked.

I don't know.

'Otome was happy when they were around you, used to annoy us for hours talking about you' I told him though I know he couldn't understand a lot of it.

"Really...?" He asked and I nodded. He sighed in what seemed to be relief "so I wasn't the reason..." he almost whispered to themselves.

No. You weren't. You actually have little to do with any of this.

Tsuki didn't even want to die.

She was murdered.

I never thought about how those who actually sort of knew some members would be feeling after what happened. Never thought of the false rumors they might be spreading...

Saihara was the only one who bothered to seek the truth. And he only knew Chiasa.

I...I want to avenge them...