OBSESSED

18

LEAH

My alarm startled me out of the fatigued daze that consumed me all night. I shut off the annoying sound and tossed my phone aside.

After laying in bed for hours, tossing and turning, I tried online shopping. That proved ineffective at distracting me, though, so I gave up around four this morning.

Since then, I floated in and out of sleep. Nightmares and dreams all starring Jarrod plagued me. I couldn't escape the thought of him even in sleep.

I meant every word I said last night, but I still felt terrible. The sensation that I fucked up something amazing haunted me. Maybe I did.

At the end of the day, though, I had to think for myself. Erring on the side of caution seemed like the most rational idea. I would be reckless to commit to something serious so quickly.

Although it felt like we'd known each other for an entire lifetime, we didn't. I couldn't let myself forget that just because I wanted to wrap myself around his fun stick.

I knew how close I was to falling off the deep end for him, which was exactly why I couldn't give myself away so soon. Danny and I only broke up two weeks ago, and I thought I'd been in love with him.

How could I go from loving one man to feeling so obsessed with another in a matter of weeks?

Maybe I was never in love with Danny in the first place. The feelings I had for him felt completely different from what I felt for Jarrod. I wouldn't call that love—not yet—but we were heading in that direction without a doubt.

Turning over in the bed, I smooshed my face into the pillow. This sucked. I wanted to call Jarrod and apologize. I was even tempted to drive to his house, bang on his door, and jump on him.

But I wouldn't. Until I was certain about myself and what I wanted, jumping the gun would only end in more pain on both sides.

This was all my fault. I needed to suck it up and accept the fact that I wasn't ready for anything beyond friendship. There was no way I could only be friends with Jarrod, though.

I probably also needed to avoid going out for the foreseeable future. The smartest thing for me now was to keep my head down and mind my business.

Before I got sucked into my bed all day and had to call sick into work, I forced myself into the bathroom. I ignored my reflection as I went about my morning routine.

By the time I had straightened my hair and changed into a decent work outfit, I was already feeling the effects of not sleeping so well. My feet dragged with every step and there wasn't enough concealer in the world to hide my bags.

While the coffee brewed, I fed Foxy and gave her a few loving strokes. As much as we despised each other sometimes, this little fleabag was stuck with me. I nuzzled into her soft fur before placing her on the couch and padding back into the kitchen.

Within a few minutes, my thermos was filled to the brim with coffee and a hearty supplement of sweet cream. I grabbed my gym bag and headed for the door.

Traffic was especially slow on my normal commute, so I was ten minutes late. One of the tellers, Crystal, waved at me as I briskly crossed the lobby. I forced a smile and bolted into my office.