Warped

Chapter 35: Jesse

How can I hate something so much when I have spent hours, days, in this one place?

I'm pacing in a library, my library, the library, our library, whatever! I can't enjoy this place, I can't relax in it anymore. In the eyes of this stupid monster, these walls are just the same as the ones that trapped me in the cage. Just another thing keeping me down, denying me, trapping me. Containing me.

It doesn't matter that this place looks nice, it's confining me all the same. I need to get out.

It doesn't matter that my friends show me kindness, they're keeping me in. I need to get past them.

It doesn't matter-

Growling, I shove those thoughts away. Wishing I could literally force them out of my brain and into the fireplace in front of me. This is not a place of violence, I've spent days here completely hooked on a story. Unable to comprehend reality as I'm lost in the pages. I am NOT seriously thinking that this is a bad place, a place that I need to escape from. How can I possibly think such things?

Although... maybe I should leave? If I can't stay calm in the library of all places, then the kitchen will just destroy any control I have over myself. Besides, there are a lot of scents in this room. Ivor, Soren, Ellegaard, Gabriel, Harper and the others have all been in here recently. If I can't control myself around my best friends, then how could I ever hope to get along with them?

Sighing, I plop down on the couch. Only to tense up and spring up. My monster all flaky inside of me, and my mind. . . disturbed at the feeling. I shouldn't be, I just sat on the couch. But something about how the soft cushions gave into my weight reminded of before. . . .

My face hardens, my talons curling up into fists. Strains of anger, of hate and rage, flowing from my heart once again. Those damned demons, they did this to me. They scarred my mind, shoved a monster inside me. They need to-

The doorknob clicks, my attention snapping up to instantly. My nose flares and eyes strain for any clue, but the door swings open immediately. Lukas, with his two ocelot ears perched on his head and a tail curled around his striped t-shirt, holding the door wide open with his claws making the ever so slightest screech as he grips the handle tighter.

"J-Jesse, I, uh, well I wanted to see. . ." He shakes his head, releasing the door as my monster squirms inside of me. Hissing at me for not rushing past him and making a break for it. "I guess I wanted to make sure you weren't lonely."

I kick my monster back down into the shadows of my consciousness, how could I possibly try to escape when Lukas is simply caring about me. Like a good friend. Even though I'm being a terrible friend by considering running from them, again, after they went out to look for me.

I open my mouth on habit, but simply let it close, awkwardly scratching the back of my head inside. My eyes dart away from him, not sure how to face someone that I've tried to kill, run from, approach, and fail at all communication with. Especially with my monster throwing tantrums.

Actually, take that back. If my monster was throwing a tantrum, this place would be drastically different and I wouldn't be in it anymore.

A chest creaks open and I peek towards Lukas, who's reaching for something. "I know talking isn't really- well yeah. So I figure you could write? I mean, you probably can't hold a feather, but your, uh, finger would work just fine."

I glance down at my talons, bending them just like normal fingers. Unfortunately, bending is the farthest normal they'll be. Since the black, sharpened, and long talons are anything but normal.

Lukas starts to walk to me, and I promptly step back. My monster growling again, bristling at how another creature is approaching me and I'm not going to do anything. No eating, no protecting myself. My monster truly thinks I have gone mad.