[guardianangel!au] having him by my side was simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. It was like seeing my reflection move on its own in the mirror; something so inexplicable that I couldn't help but freeze in my tracks. It was...
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With slow steps, we both went back home. I finally felt the comfortable shadow beside me again, with a light hand placed on my shoulder. His skin was warm, but not hot. It had a pleasant temperature, one that I missed, causing my body to react positively to his small gesture of kindness -- if you could even consider 'touching my shoulder' as a gesture of kindness.
Walking beside him was far from awkward, but I knew there were a lot of things that still needed to be said in place of the tension. Yet, I still couldn't seem to find the right words to say. I was exhausted, but I knew that he was at a physical loss for words. So, in the midst of the silence, I decided to speak first.
"What are we going to do now?" I asked, not even daring to look his way as I spoke.
But, it didn't take him long to decipher what I was talking about anyway.
He just drew out a sigh, sticking his hands in the pockets of his suit. "I think nothing. What is there to do, after all?"
The question surprised me.
"What do you mean? It's not really something we can just put off, Taeyong,"
He nodded. "I know, I know. Of course. But, do you really think this should change anything? This could be bad. For both of us, and I don't want anyone to suffer because of this,"
Only weeks before, had we stood in Hyeokjae's kitchen and argued about the same thing.
"Does this need to change anything? Can't we just go back to normal?"
Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. But I knew it always changed something in the end. And I was too afraid to find out what was going to change this time. For him, and for myself. I didn't want him to get in trouble because of it.
"Let's just act like nothing happened."
"That's not going to work now, and you know it."
I knew it then. But I would never say it.
It knew it was going to be hard, talking with a guardian angel, being friends with a guardian angel; it was uncharted territory. But it wasn't a mistake, no, I didn't regret it one bit. Yet, I still found myself wishing that I could do it without fear of the looming consequences.
I had wanted to know him, as a person, regardless of his wings or the glowing halo above his head. And, I had gotten my wish. I knew him now, he was my friend, someone I could trust with anything. And for a while, that worked. But that was only the first step.
I couldn't help but feel a little voice in the back of my head warn me every once in a while, that I shouldn't get too close to him in case he disappeared for good. And, thanks to what had just happened, I knew what that felt like. To have him gone after building up to something of a 'friendship' with him.
