wanderlust for love [2won / hyungwonho fanfic]

Chapter 14

I stand there frozen.

What's going on here?, my brain thinks uselessly, trying to understand what the hell is going on here. 

One second I was puking, the next second we were arguing, and now we're kissing?

Oh my god! I was just puking and now we're kissing! He's probably so grossed out right now! I probably taste just like puke!

That is reason enough to want to push him away, as much as I really want to kiss him. I taste like puke and he's probably straight, but somehow we're kissing and I don't want to stop.

Our lips are on each other, first just a simple hi hello, a shy greeting between strangers, but then the connection deepens and we are suddenly best friends, experienced and all knowing of each other.

Gathering all the self-control in literally the entire world, I plant my hands on his chest and shove. Not hard, but enough so that he gets the message.

He's shellshocked, and seeing his puffy lips nearly make me bring him back in, but I manage. 

My heart is racing and my lips are tingling, but I somehow manage to quietly squeak "excuse me" and duck out of the bathroom as quick as possible. 

I close the door behind me, my back against it's closed surface. 

I put a hand to my head, hot with fever and worry. I manage to shuffle my way to the bed of Minhyuk and Shownu, laying down right next to them, ignoring their open mouths of confusion. 

Welcome to the club, sisters. I don't know what the hell is going on either. 

I snuggle up next to Minhyuk, who's snuggled up next to Shownu.

"Something happened, didn't it?" Minhyuk asks quietly. He pulls the blanket up around the three of us, readjusting the cold pack so that it's more securely tucked onto my forehead. He tucks his arm under my head, using at as a leverage/pillow.

I sit mute. I don't even know how to cover the middle finger of what just happened right now, let alone dish it all out when the memory of his lips is so fresh in mind and all I can think about. But when Minhyuk tells me that he heard yelling, I know I need to tell him because after sitting and hearing all that yelling when he's on vacation, he at least deserves to know it's cause. 

"Wonho kissed me," I say in a super small, little boy voice.

The effect is immediate. Both Minhyuk and Shownu let out a loud gasp. 

"That's great!" Minhyuk squeaks, barely able to keep his voice under control. Shownu reaches across Minhyuk to grasp my hand and squeeze it. 

I smile weakly, though I'm having a hard time finding what's so good about this situation, and not wanting to commit suicide bad.

Minhyuk jostles my head with his arm.

"Why aren't you more happy, Hyungwon? I know you never mentioned that you wanted this to happen, but I know how much you did."

I turn my head into his arm.

"Wait - was the kiss before or after you argued? What were you arguing about anyways?"

I groan, both in sickness and in mortification.

"After. And he was embarrassed of me." I explain tersely, a mumble mess into Minhyuk's arm.

"You stripped off your shirt because you said you were 'cold'," Shownu laughs, face gentle. "Wouldn't you be embarrassed of Minhyuk if he did that in public?"

I consider. I want to explain that I probably wouldn't even respond if Minhyuk did something like that because I'm so used to his erratic behavior, but I know the point he's trying to make so I just nod.

"Like I haven't done it anyways," Minhyuk scoffs with a small smile. Exactly. Even he says so.

Shownu rolls his eyes and squeezes my hand again.

"Everyone is embarrassed of themselves at some point, Hyungwon. It's only natural that other people would have the same response too, especially in your case when it was your first time drinking."

I nod, again. I understand what he's trying to say, it makes sense, but it's not soaking in. All I want is to move to a foreign country so I never have to address or deal with this situation.

What Minhyuk says comes to mind. I've been wanting this for awhile now, even if I didn't admit it to anyone, including myself. So why am I so hesitant?

"What are you so scared of?" Minhyuk asks softly, mirroring my thoughts exactly. 

"That you'll get hurt?"

Yes, actually. I nod in his arm. What if I love him more than he loves me? What if I'm too clingy? What if I embarrass myself further and make so much of a fool of myself that he wants to break up?

And what happens when we do break up - because let's face it, nearly none of any high school couple make it through college, let alone make it to marriage, especially with someone with as high a profile as Wonho.

My head pounds. 

"So you don't want to be happy with him now because you're scared you won't be happy later?"

I nod again at Shownu's question. Self-preservation at its finest.

Minhyuk sighs deeply and turns over to brush my hair back from my face with his other hand.

I turn my hot face into his cold hand and sigh too. Why does literally everything have to be so complicated?

Shownu wraps his long, beefy arm over the both of us and I'm overcome with love for the both of them.

Minhyuk and Shownu have been through so much with me. We've complained and had boring classes and fights and food and bad hair days and conversations together, and now even boy troubles, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

"I'm okay if I just have you guys," I try to convince myself.

Shownu scoffs awkwardly. "What a participation award," he laughs, Minhyuk joining him. 

"You've always had us, Hyungwon, and you always will, so if you're so worried about being rejected, just remember that the two of us will always be there, even when you do get rejected." Minhyuk says in sarcasm, grinning like the devil.

"Why would you say that?" Is this some kind of reverse psychology designed for success? Because it's not working.

Minhyuk laughs. "You're the one so bent on not believing you're not good enough for you, so I was just supporting your opinion like any friend would!"

Only Minhyuk could could bait me into dealing with my problems. 

I manage to push myself out the bed, extracting myself from their vice-like grips. Screw it. I'll try my shot. What do I really have to lose? Self-pride? Dignity? Confidence? Like I had any of those anyways. Anything has to be better than this in between stage that leaves me stressed beyond belief.

I'm steeling my resolve as I head to the bathroom door, just happy that he's still in the bathroom, taking the hint not to see him until I had some alone time to get my shit together. 

All of sudden, when I reach the bathroom door, right hand reaching out to to knock, the door opens and I'm faced with a breathless Wonho inches from me as someone knocks on the front door of our hotel behind us.

I want to stay and soak it in, exhale the breath that smells so much like him, but he grasps my shoulder, shuffling me to the side, and walking past.

Um, okay? Not exactly the response I was thinking that I would get considering you kissed me out of the blue not even ten minutes ago, but it's better than straight out rejection, I guess.

"Please, please, please, can you guys clean this place up a little? And.. get dressed.. please." Wonho calls to us, standing staggered behind him as he peers into the mirror by the door, effortlessly tousling his hair into messy perfection.

Shownu, Minhyuk, and I all share a look.

"Who's there?" Wonho calls through the door, hand resting expectantly on the door handle.

"It's Stella! Open up, Wonho!"

Stella? Who's Stella?