wanderlust for love [2won / hyungwonho fanfic]

Chapter 22

The rest of the day leading up to the real date was as normal as a usual day. Well, if the definition of normal is spending a spectacular, free day of beautiful sights and fun activities with the person who happens to be your ideal type and you may even lov- um, like.

I mean, I definitely loved our conversation, at least. When given the chance, and when he knows you well enough, Wonho can be so open and talkative, sharing really unique and intelligent opinions that can differ so much from your own about the world around you. It's so different than the previous persona he exudes at school.

I thought I knew a lot about him from the plane ride and from then until now, but there is so much more to him. So much behind the face that people are so quick to judge and gossip about behind his back. How is that someone can be so so so SO hot, but also a good person and an intellectual with great conversation skills? My standards are quaking.

It was even more shocking when the conversation of sexuality came up. I told him easily about me, a semi-confident self-proclaimed gay, discovered in middle school. He seemed surprised when I told him about the negative attitudes towards homosexuality in Korea, and my need to hide it. Coming to America had felt freeing not just through independence from the culture there and my parents, but because I could be so open about who I was in America.

My gay couldn't help but show when he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and leaned in to kiss my cheek, smelling of Wonho and boy. My blush flamed across my cheeks as he whispered in my ear "it's a good thing... we could have really missed something special." It left me blushing and cursing myself. Why do I have to be so naive?

But, him, cool and collected, moved right on with normal conversation, explaining that he didn't really believe in labels. He'd always known he was different, but who doesn't feel that way about themselves sometimes? He never rushed to dig into who he really was because it didn't matter to him. He was already it, and whatever it was, his dad probably wouldn't like it anyways, so why put a name to it. But, at a sleepover with a best friend, seeing him shirtless, he realized his intentions weren't as pure as a straight guy's would have been.

I tried not to be angry. Shouldn't I have been sad? It's kind of sad, I guess.. So why was I angry? The jealous really jumped out. Shit, I mean, I had no right to be angry! But, he still mocked my pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

Okay, so maybe I was a little angry after all. What can I say? I'm not exactly confident in the way that I "seduced" Wonho, for lack of a better term, and I wasn't going to let anyone take him from me, short time we've been dating be damned.

So when I say I was with the person I lov-like, it's code for the person I actually love but am too scared to admit it to.

But, shit c'mon, Hyungwon! Love? How can you love him already? But there's no other word I can conjure up to describe the feeling I get when I see his slightly crooked smile aimed my way. Or his goofy, miniature dance he does when he's happy to be munching on some food. Or his easy friendship with Minhyuk and Shownu, all my favorite people in the whole world, all getting along.

So, I make up my mind. As the useless gay that I am, I need to tell him. Tonight. And if he doesn't accept it at the City of Love, then it must not be fate, because professing and accepting love is kind of a rite of passage here.

But we're not thinking about it! Because that is unproductive and unnecessary!

Which leads to now, as we're walking home a few hours later, and all I can think about is that. Stupid, unproductive, unnecessary idea, yet I can't not think about it.

"What's wrong?" Wonho's voice pulls me out of my stupor and I jump as if I'm being caught doing something that I'm not supposed to be doing.

"I wasn't!" I say an octave too loud, sounding guilty as hell.