The Red Evening

Chapter One

The clock struck noon and the church's bells rang slowly. There were faint whimpers and cries following behind me and all I could do was hold tightly onto his Elijah's hand. I had all the reason in the world to cry, to scream, to yell, but I couldn't.

The only profound, negative feeling that filled me was guilt. He died because of me. I glanced behind me, Chanel watched me with heavy, eyes. I faced forward again and a faltering breath escaped my chest. I had caused all the pain that people are experiencing at this moment. I couldn't forgive myself.

"God, our father, we entrust Ronald Jay Morton into your hands," the Priest spoke. He picked up a handful of earth and let it fall onto the coffin, and repeated twice more as he continued to eulogize. Lastly, he made the sign of the cross. "We pray to the father, the son, and the holy spirit," he concluded.

"Amen," everyone said in unison as the sign of the cross was mimicked.

There weren't many people at his funeral. It consisted of all the girls at the strip club, an old high school friend, his neighbor, an investor, and myself with Elijah. His brother was invited but he never returned our calls.

Everyone watched as the coffin lowered down into the ground. Paulina had managed to remain calm through that process, but Chanel had stream of tears running down her face.

The coffin was settled six feet under us. The priest and Elijah left to allow close ones to say their goodbyes. The girls gathered on one side of the grave and I stood on the opposite. They blamed me, I could sense it and I didn't blame.

I tossed a dahlia flower into the grave. Ronny never liked roses and neither did I. "I love you and I'm sorry," I whispered inaudibly and walked away.

There were shuffles coming from behind me, then I heard my name being called. I slowly turned around and saw Paulina standing closely behind me.

"We are going to a restaurant to eat. Do you want to join us?"

I slid my hands into my pockets and shook my head. "It's okay. I need to go home and take my pain medication. Thanks for the invite." I wasn't lying, I did have to take my pain medication but they weren't at home. Elijah carried them for me.

Paula stepped back and smiled weakly. "Oh, I understand. Maybe next time?"

"Sure," I agreed and turned around.

"Morena," she called out. "This isn't your fault. We are all sorry this happened to him and you."

The words echoed in my ears and replayed in my mind. I didn't turn around and continued walking down the hill towards Elijah's car. I didn't want their pity. I wanted to someone to be honest with me and tell me it was my fault. If I hadn't run to him maybe Natalia would've let him go. It was easier to have one person to keep a secret than two people.

Elijah opened the passenger door for me and I slipped in without any eye contact.

"Should we go get some lunch?" He asked softly.

"I want to go home."

"Pia is with Felix."

Ever since the incident, everyone decided to dedicate time out of their day to be with me to ensure I wasn't alone. I appreciated it at first since I almost had an anxiety attack when I was left alone one night, but now it felt suffocating. I had seen a therapist for a week and managed to learn calming techniques.

"I'll be fine," I stated. "Dr. Richardson and I have discussed calming techniques. It'd be good practice to try it out."

"Morena," Elijah said, his effort of refusing.