To the one I love,

Nerves~ p15

I woke up but Logan wasn't there.

A police lady sat on Logan's bed and it annoyed me; so I stared at the bed until she realised and stood up.

"Thank god your awake! We need to know what happened with the men here earlier.
One of them said they were your boyfriend, he's in a cell now. There questioning him for the assault of the other man in here, we need to know names."

I just stared back caught off guard a bit.
"Excuse me?" I sat up timidly and she got closer.

"Sweetheart we need to know their names and what happened."
"My boyfriend is Logan." I took deep breathes as I spoke.

"And Chris."
"Chris was harassing me,"
"Logan helped me"
"They fought"
"Chris left"
I stopped and looked down.
She wrote everything down as I spoke in short sentences.
"Why was Chris harassing you dear? I'm sorry to bother you with this but its necessary to try help the situation"
"Don't know"
She nodded and stood up,
"Please don't send him away."
"My boyfriend"
"I really need him"
She sighed and cleared her throat,
"I will try my best miss but I can't promise."
She closed the door behind her and I just sat there for a while.
My phone rang and I picked it up.
"Sweetie?!"
"Mum!" a smile appeared on my face, was she coming here?!
"You need to listen to me okay?"
"O-okay."
"You need to come home immediately."
I knew it. She doesn't care about me, she'd rather me get abused by him to keep him happy. He has never laid a finger on my mother.
and that thought tipped me over the edge.
"I CANT!"
" I CAN'T WALK!"
"BECAUSE I'M STUCK IN HOSPITAL!"
"BECAUSE OF YOUR HUSBAND!"
"AND YOU"
I gasped for air and continued,
"YOU COULDN'T EVEN PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!"

I sat up and ended the call and threw my phone across the room.
I drew my knees up to my chest and held my head in my hands.
"I can't do this" I whispered under my breath.

"I can't do this"

The next day-

I woke up and looked beside me to an empty bed. I reached over and placed my hand on his bed and I stared blankly.
I want to just get up and go get him but I'm attached to the hospital tubes instead.

I looked over and Logan's bag was still there so I pressed the bell next to my bed and a nurse walked in with a smile.
"What can I get you?"
"Please,"
"Can you pass the bag?"
She nodded and put the bag on his bed and left.
I pulled out my book and a pen and began to write.

I'm alone at the hospital right now.
Chris and Logan fought and now Logan is is hospital, its all my fault. I really don't want to go home. Never again.

My hands started to ache but for once i decided to not let it stop me.

I keep messing up and its hurting people. I don't want to hurt anyone, I never did.
But people keep getting hurt when their with me and it needs to stop. I know that I should block them out so they don't get hurt more but I've realised something, I hate being without him. I think I love him but I know he wont feel the same because I'm not good enough. I was never good enough for you and look what happened. I lost you that day and I don't think I can ever get over it. Your on my mind at 1am, when I want it to be Logan. I love you so so much. But I want to move on, I have to move on. But I just can't do it. I know that's what you would have wanted and thats what you told me but I will always love you.
I wish you told we what was going on. I wish I knew that you weren't okay. I wish you never drove to the place we first ant last time we saw each other. And I wish you never took your last step off that bridge. Why did you do it? I still don't even know now. But I will try to, I want to understand why you did what you did so I could get closure in a way I guess. Maybe I didn't word that properly but you know what I mean.
Hopefully I will see you again, In heaven.
- Arianna

Salty streams stained my cheeks as I just sat there for what felt like hours. I still don't understand but I want to so badly. I started to drift off to sleep.

The next morning~

I woke up to a nurse sitting on my bed,
"Morning dear how are we feeling today?" Her eyes were joyful and cheery as she spoke.

"Good thanks,"
"When can I go home?"
"Its Only two days and then you'll be able to leave!" She pressed her hand on my forehead and smiled at me.
"You need someone to come collect you though."
I sighed and looked down and she rubbed my back.

"I was told to let you know that your boyfriend will be charged with assault. Its possible to get him out but it will take money to get him out."

"Thanks for saying,"
"I have someone else,"
"What happened to Chris?"

"He's fine he left this morning actually!"
"Okay thank you"
She got up and smiled then left the room.
I searched for his contact on my phone.
"Hey Chris It's me.."