To the one I love,

Going Solo~ p19

I woke up on the sofa and looked around me.
"Logan?" I called upstairs but no reply.
He's probably in the shower anyway.
I went upstairs and heard the water flowing from the bathroom so I got dressed into one of his hoodies and adidas leggings. I smiled before doing light makeup and sat on the bed ready to go. He came out of the bathroom dressed, hair still wet and a heavy look on his face. Then his face lit up for a second and he looked at me.
"I want you to meet my brother."
"Now?"
"Yes before school lets go"
We got in the car and silence again.

Logan's POV

I wanted Arianna to meet my brother before I have to leave her.
If I stay quiet then she wont hear my voice break- I don't want to be weak in front of her.
We get to the hospital and we go up to my brother's hospital room.
We walk to the door and I slowly push the door open and close it behind us.

Arianna's POV

We walk in and I turn to face Logan's brother; he smiles widely at the pair of us.
"I've heard a lot about you!" He laughs and my smile brightens as we pull up two chairs next to his bed.
"This is my brother Sean-"
"Older by three years!" I laugh and Logan rolls his eyes playfully.
We start talking and we land on the topic of our childhoods.
Sean told stories from when him and Logan were young which made Logan smile and laugh for the first time in days.
"We got over the fence, well I did! Logan here was hanging from our neighbours fence from his t-shirt and we had to get the neighbours to help him down, you should've seen his face!" I laughed and looked at Logan who glanced at me and that blank emotion spread across his face again. What did I do?!
We talked for a few hours and I got to know him and before we knew it, it was lunch.
"We should be at school!" I gasp and Logan nods. Sean smiled and we got up.
I gave him a hug,
"I'll come visit again when I can!" He smiled and hugged back before we left and went to school as lunch finished.
We had our separate classes, then I walked to his car and waited for him.
I saw him come out and walk towards me but he just looked forward blankly.
He got to the car and stopped with a sigh so heavy. It was as if someone was sat on his lungs.
"Listen Arianna we need to talk."
I raised an eyebrow and smiled up at him.
"Whats wrong?"
He stands there- saying nothing as he watches the ground.
Then he looks up slightly to face me and inhales.

"We need to end things, now."

I was taken aback and my face saddened.
"What did I do wrong?!" I frantically ask and my breathing quickens.
"Nothing. I've just realised that I want different things, I don't want to be with you, I don't think I ever did" He says with no emotion and I feel myself break inside. Tears burn in my eyes.

"I-I don't understand!" A tear slips as I look up with welling eyes.
"I don't like you Arianna, and it's time to move on now." Everything stopped and I felt a sharp pain in my lungs. It felt like I couldn't breathe. His face remains untouched, no sadness. Just the emotionless look that he gives.

"I'll drop your things off tomorrow"
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"That you never liked me. That I wasn't good enough?" More tears fall and mascara leaks under my eyes.
He goes to speak but I cut him off,
"Don't bother telling me. I should have known that you wouldn't want somebody as disgusting
as me. Sorry I wasted your time"
I turn around and start walking- hoping he would pull me back and tell me it wasn't true, but I don't deserve a happy ending do I?
I walked back to my house as rain started to pour down. It made me feel less alone as tears spilled down my cheeks as my mouth trembled slightly.
Why can't I be good enough for anybody?!
Why do I always mess things up?!
By the time I got home my mascara was stained down my face in heavy black smears.
My hair was damp and ragged.
I opened the door and went upstairs. I closed the door and locked it behind me.
"Arianna?!"
I laid in bed and buried my face in my pillow.
My heart ached as I cried uncontrollably until I was gasping for air.
Then I laid emotionless. Not knowing what to think. Not knowing how to feel.
I should have known. I'm so gullible.
Why would anybody love me?
I wanted to write but I just couldn't force myself to do it. I'd never felt so empty, or alone.
And now I was just a pathetic waste of space..

Logan's POV

I did it.

I really did it.

I laid on my bed, filled with anger and rage like never before. I got up and pounded my fists into the wall. It was so hard to pretend I wasn't hurting, trying to stop my voice shaking. I had to but I wish I didn't.

I punch the wall and I find that I can't stop. This is how I function. I get sad and it turns into my anger. And then I find something to take it all out on. This is who I am, an aggressive asshole. My fists peeled at the knuckles and a tear left my eye and I wiped it away.

"Come here" I turn to see Rose in the doorway her face pitiful. She walked over, sat on the bed, patting the spot next to her. She hugged me, just like she used to when I was a kid.

I breathed heavily in her arms.
Rose had always been more of a mum to me than my mum ever had. Dad left when I was young and mum never paid attention to us, so Rose did. Sean calls mum by her first name instead of mum, she stopped visiting him six months ago- they don't talk now. Rose pulled me into her and I slumped down.
"I-I ended t-things w-with-"
"How come?"
"I can't tell y-you why. B-but I had to"
She hugged me tighter and I wiped my eyes again breathing heavier.
I just hung my head and we just sat there as Rose held me and I couldn't think of anything else except her. This entire situation is so fucked. Rose looked at me sadly.

"You care for me even after you see me mess up, why?" I say almost in whisper.
"Because I love you boys like your my own sons. No matter what you do, I know that it isn't who you are. Everybody gets mad and upset. We all deal with things differently. Like your mother, she uses work to take her mind off your father, but she didn't tell you did she?"
I shake my head slightly and she continues,
"Because expressing emotions is difficult, and sometimes people just find it too hard and make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they are bad people." I sigh.
"But I really hurt her"
"Did you want to do it?"
"Of course not! I love her"
"Then everything will work out, I promise."
I hug her back and smile weakly.
My mind raced and I sat there saying to myself,
Please come back to me soon Arianna..