Let me in (Lams AU) [On hold (?)]

Chapter 6

John's pov

I woke up to a massive as fuck headache. Jesus how much did I drink? I sit up, trying to remember last night.

To no avail, it's useless to try. I can't remember shit. I look over to see Alex very concentrated on his laptop screen with earbuds in, rapidly typing like no tomorrow. He looks adorable when he's this concentrated.

I pull myself up out of bed and go to the kitchen. I decide to drink some sweet tea, because it's delicious and also, why not?

Out of no where I hear someone blast 'Michael In the Bathroom' from Be More Chill. I look over to see Alex scramble to connect the earbuds with the computer again.

I slightly snicker at how frantic he is, causing him to jump and look at me. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Jesus fucking Christ, don't scare me!" He signs, letting out an airy laugh. I let out a small laugh.

"Sorry, but that was hilarious. I also love Be More Chill." I say, causing him to let out another small laugh.

Which, might I add, was fucking adorable. I gave a small smile and turned around to continue making the sweet tea.

Suddenly, memories of last night started flooding through my mind, causing me to stop making the tea.

Holy shit, I actually fucked up big time. Wait? Did that really happen or was I just drunk as fuck? Should I ask him about it?

Wait, Alex! I Must've made him uncomfortable pinning him to the wall and kissing him before passing out.

I finished the tea and sat next to Alex. I slightly tapped him on the shoulder, but that was a mistake. He flinched and looked at me, for a split second something flashed in his eyes, but when he saw me he relaxed.

That look in his eyes, was that terror..?

"Sorry!" I quickly said. He let out a small laugh.
"No, no. It's fine!" He signed, with a small smile. I returned the smile.
"What're you writing about?" I asked him. He let out a sigh and showed me the title.

"Planning on having something expose Jefferson if he exposes me." He signed.
"How would he expose you?" I asked. He sighed, shaking his head as he shut his laptop.

"It's not important. I have 95 pages ready to go currently.." he signed, avoiding my question.

"Alex, please don't avoid my question." I quietly said, scooting closer to him.
"John, you don't want to know..." he signed, narrowing him eyes and then flipping through tabs in his laptop. I held his hand causing him to stop and freeze.

"But I do want to know." I quietly said. He shook his head and tried grabbing his hand away from mine. I wouldn't let his hand go though, something kept flashing in his eyes, like something was going on with him? He put his head down and screwed his eyes shut.

"John, you don't want to know. My past is not your problem." He signed after I let his hand go.
"Alexander Hamilton, please." I said, pulling him closer to him.

"John, He has my journal with everything in it. Everything about my past." Was all he could sign.

"Alex, why do you not want to tell me what exactly he has?" I ask.

"John, he has many other things. He has information that literally no one but me knows. He has information on my family, where I'm from, what I went through, and much more." He says, his breathing starting to get faster.

"Oh, Alex.." He cit me off with his hand.
"I don't need your pity, do you have classes?" He asked, changing the topic. I nodded and looked at the time.

Oh shit classes start in five minutes. I quickly stand up, throw clothes on and run out the door after grabbing an apple of the counter.

Alex's pov

That was close, I can't tell him no matter how much he asks. Hell just pity me or leave or do what they did. That's what they all did when they knew my past. I was so stressed and worried.

I sat up after pausing my music, which was just the Be More Chill soundtrack, and walked to the bathroom.

I looked through the drawers and found my razor.

(You know what happened, I'm sorry)

I put the razor back in the drawer and cleaned the cut, wrapping it up and pulling my sleeves back down over the bandages. I don't know if I can trust him. I want to, but last time I spoke I was beaten and don't know if I can tell him. God why am I like this?

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Yooooooooooooo

Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals!

How'd you enjoy this chapter?

This'll be a real roller coaster soon ;) I'm evil I know

Bear with me-!

Love y'all,
Mads