Let me in (Lams AU) [On hold (?)]

Chapter 9

Buckle up buttercup it's time for Alex's past

John's POV

I was ecstatic to say the least. Can you blame me? The Alexander Hamilton is my boyfriend now. This precious and wonderful boy allows me to call him mine.

"Good mornin' Lex." I smiled at him as he walked into the kitchen. He smiled at me a signed, "Good morning" before walking over to the counter to get some coffee. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him slightly jump in my arms, but relaxing after a few seconds.

"Are you okay?" I asked, placing my chin on his head. He nodded his head and continued with what he was doing. I just fondly watched him, realizing how much I love him.

Alex sat down on the couch, snuggling up in a blanket. I walked over to the couch and sat down next to him, pulling him into my lap. He did flinch, but only a little. I am desperate to understand why he flinches so much and is always so anxious, never letting his guard down. If only he could let me in and just let down his walls a little.

Alex snuggled into my chest, burying his face in it. I carefully wrapped my arms around his waist.

Alex's POV

John and I watched The Office for a while before I heard him start to slightly snore. I looked up at him and actually smiled, he is the first person to actually make me smile in a long time.

I flinch a lot, but I can't help it. It's just a natural instinct from past experiences. I glance down at my arms and look at all my scars, old and new, each with a memory. My mind constantly going to dark places as I blankly stared into the distance.

I shut the television off, putting the remote on the nightstand. I slowly release myself from John's tight grip and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I slowly slid down the door with my back pressed against it. I let my memories and thoughts consume me, my shoulders heaved with every silent sob I let out as my hands covered my mouth. After about an hour I stopped sobbing, laying on my back on the floor.

Unknown to my knowledge, someone had been sitting outside the door listening the whole time. I only found this out when I opened the door and a pair of arms engulfed me in a hug. I finally broke down and cried into Johns shoulder. My sobs were quelled briefly after.

"Alex.. please, let me in. Tell me what's bothering you.." John pleaded with me. I inhaled sharply before decided whether or not to tell him everything. I finally felt that I couldn't suppress the information anymore and decided to tell him.

"Okay.. Can we sit down first..?" I sign, feeling slightly panicked. He nodded and we sat down on his bed. I took a deep breath and steadied my hands as I started to sign.

"I was born and raised in the Caribbeans, Nevis specifically. I had a father, mother, and brother. My mother was caring, my father was not. My father would beat me, but left when I was around 10. My mother and I became deathly ill when I was around 12 and she did not survive. I went to live with my cousin who abused me in more than one way.. then committed suicide. A hurricane came through my town when I was 17 and destroyed my town. That's my past, or at least a brief summary of it.." I put my hands in my lap, feeling as though I lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders. I looked up at John to see his shocked and horror-struck face.

"Do- do you mind telling me what ways your cousin abused you..?" He quietly asked. I let out a shaky breath and held up my hands. I had never told anyone before.

"Physically, mentally, and.. sexually." I glanced down at the floor in shame. I heard him slightly gasp before gently pulling me into a hug.

"Is this why you always flinch?" He questioned. I felt frozen as I nodded my head.

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Alright, here is a short chapter. 750 words..

It's been ten fucking years since I've seen your face

I am blasting MCR and it's 3 in the morning.. Everyone in my house is annoyed with me ;)

Again, sorry about not writing recently. I haven't felt that great mentally, but I am gonna continue writing.

Until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Peace out!

Love y'all,
Mads