Stall

Chapter 47.

"And all my days were young and wasted
When I was waiting, oh for you
And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading
But ever since I found you
A little light is breaking through"

***

Harry and I had laid in bed when he finally managed to roll over next to me, for a good hour, both of us just tangled together in a exhausted puddle trying to recover.

I knew that once everything with him reached that boiling point I was feeling, it'd explode - but I didn't expect it to be like what just happened.

I thought, that night I spent with him all those years ago was intense and reality changing, but compared to what just happened between us, it is barely comparable.

That night was just mostly physical, even though I felt a connection with him, I was so different back then, and I didn't know him at all, there wasn't this intense emotion behind it that magnified everything ten fold.

It's like even my emotions had an orgasm.

I honestly think if it could, my vagina would high five me for finally giving in to him, and giving it the experience I just did.

Being with Harry, or having him in my life in general is what I would imagine skydiving for the first time would feel like, it's terrifying, when you're standing on the edge ready to jump.

And then when you're falling, praying that your parachute will open and dropping a hundred miles an hour so fast you can barely think.

But then, the parachute opens and you're floating, gliding down with so much adrenaline it's euphoric, you feel free, it's the most incredible experience of your life.

By the time you land on the ground, the apprehension and fear is gone, you just feel high on life, and you don't care about the risks anymore, you just want to jump again.

I know that being around him has changed me, but I can't help but feel like its for the better. He brings out the side of me I wished for my whole life, but never thought I had in me.

I feel strong around him, I feel confident and I can't help but wonder if all this time, that's what his behaviour around me was trying to bring out of me, when I was so shy and crippled around him, his constant teasing and prodding was to drag out the attitude in me.

One of the things that makes my heart so full around him, is while he wants to bring all of that out of me, he still wants me to keep my good nature, my kindness, he doesn't want me to be like him, he just wants me to be myself.

He's one of the first people in my life to treat me that way, aside from Sophie, that didn't tell me what I should be, instead asked who I wanted be.

I don't think I can ever go back to being told who I am, I'm far too in love with the idea of being who I want.

I know he has his issues, and I still have yet to really sit down and wrap my head around them, but he has a good heart, it's just injured. I've noticed it in him since I met him, and I know he just can't see it himself.

But I really want to help him see that in himself, I want him to see the reasons I love him.

I have faith in him, I believe in him, even if he doesn't have it for himself.

Harry managed to coax me out of bed, taking me into the shower to clean up, as he calls it.

It seemed counter productive when I ended up pinned against the shower wall, his hands working their voodoo again until my legs nearly gave up, for him to then only have me flipped around with my cheek pressed against the tiles, with his filthy words and wondering hands, while he fucked into me until his own legs nearly gave out from underneath him when he came.