Unfold

Chapter Twenty-Nine (29)

Of course she loved him.

She knew she messed up the second she walked out of his house. Shawn was right; she should have told him about Carmello's. He would have helped her because he somehow always knew what to do.

She just couldn't shake the idea that he was going to come to his senses and leave her, just like Anthony. Then what would she do? She wouldn't have a job, any income. She wouldn't have anyone, really. She supposed if she became really desperate, Jasmine would help her out in some way.

She loved him, but it didn't matter. Sometimes it just wasn't enough.

Ater Scottie dropped her off, Brooke whipped her door open as if she had been waiting by the door all day listening for Jean's footsteps.

"Jean!" she yelled into the hallway. "What the hell happened? My one night off and I get a phone call that customers were assaulted and you got kidnapped?"

She laughed, even though she shouldn't have. It wasn't the first time Shawn supposedly kidnapped her. She was so exhausted from this night she didn't have the energy for anything else, especially not a lecture from Brooke.

"Get in here," Brooke said, not amused as she stood aside so Jean had room to walk in. Jean took a deep breath and reluctantly walked into her apartment. Might as well get this over with now.

Brooke narrowed her eyes at her. "What gives, Jean? Two nights ago, you slap a customer, get in a fight with Donovan, and the very next day I hear about all this. And you're at the center of it again. We're already short-staffed on security, we can't be having all this drama."

Jean sat down on the couch and looked directly at her. "So what, am I fired?" Her voice was a dull monotone. She was so over everything.

Brooke blinked at her, surprised by her response. "Do you want to be fired?"

Jean inhaled and exhaled deeply through her nose, staring at the wall across from her. "To be honest, I don't know what I want." It was the truth. She was so tired.

"What happened?"

Jean felt like this was all a dream; like none of it was real. "I broke up with Shawn."

Brooke sighed, and Jean could tell she was angry but also trying to be gracious. "Why?"

"That guy...the one I slapped told Shawn that I worked there. Then Shawn showed up to Carmello's and forced me to leave."

"He forced you?"

"I guess he didn't force me. I didn't fight him."

Brooke put her hands over her face and took a deep breath. She was obviously tired too.

"Jean, you need to figure out what you want," she said. "But until you do, I need you back at work tomorrow. No drama. Back to normal."

Normal. Just like that, this had somehow become her normal.

******

If Jean felt numb before, she was now dead.
She felt eyes all over when she walked into the strip club the next day. She was sure the rumors about her were flying. She was reminded of the days following the release of the video. This time was much worse.

Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing was real. All life was was accepting the cards that you were dealt, numbing yourself to the pain of your reality, and doing what needed to be done to get through.

She couldn't deny the odd sense of relief she felt now that Shawn knew what she had kept most hidden. He reacted exactly the way she would expect anyone to react, but she had to admit, it hurt to see the pain she had caused him. She was the fuel behind the fire she had seen in his eyes. A fire she never expected to see in someone like him.