Too Young

Chapter 37: I'm sorry

Humming along to the songs playing on the radio whilst dancing and trying to figure out where I want to place the crib that Josh and I bought this weekend seems like a normal afternoon to me. I was all alone in the apartment, Amy and Alan had gone back to Philly a few days ago for some work purposes and Josh is currently taking a Business exam, which I'm praying he is doing well.

Talking about school, I'm doing pretty well. I have a lot of free time which I use to study, which sometimes surprised me but I have to admit it did definitely help me improve a lot. I do miss hanging out with my friends though, sometimes I go meet up with them at Topanga's when they're out of school. Its quite refreshing, I get to hear all the school gossip and then I get asked a bunch of questions about being pregnant. It seems like everyone came around to me being pregnant and they're all really excited to meet little Noah now.

I smile brightly when I find the perfect spot to put Noah's crib in and mark it down on the little plan I made on a piece of paper. Now time to see where I'm going to put the rocking chair that we still need to get, along with a changing table. I may have pressured Josh into getting the nursery done as soon as possible because I'm already 31 weeks pregnant and I know that in a few weeks I'll not have the energy or patience to get this room done.

I feel Noah move and I cringe when I feel him move closer to my ribs. A few days ago I was crying in pain because Noah kept kicking me in the ribs which is really painful if you must ask. It freaked Josh out because he didn't know what to do, I don't think he could've done anything to be honest but him freaking out made me cry even more. Now thinking about it I must've of been impossible to console, poor Josh, I swear sometimes it surprises me that he's still with me.

I groan in annoyance when I suddenly need to pee, one of the worst thing about being pregnant is that you constantly have to go pee. I pad out of Noah's room and go to my bedroom, dropping the paper and pencil I had in my hand on my bed before wandering in the bathroom.

I gasp when I see blood coating my panties and leggings and my heart drops instantly. I instinctively place my hand on my stomach and somehow try to make sense of this situation. How could this be happening? Am I in labour or is this normal? My mind fills with different scenarios and I find myself rapidly getting overwhelmed.

I quickly clean myself up and pull out a new pair of panties and yoga pants. I get my phone and dial my mom's number, even though we aren't really on good terms she's the only one who can help me. She picks up on the fourth ring and I mentally thank her for answering. "Mom something's wrong" I admit before she can say something, tears fill my eyes and I bite my lip, "What's wrong?" She asks as I shrug "Can you please come get me and take me to the hospital?" I ask "Josh is taking an exam and well Amy and Alan aren't here, Topanga and Cory are both at work" I explain "Mom, I really need you, please" I beg as my tears finally fall.

"Maya what's wrong?" She asks again as I hear the sound of keys, she's coming. "I don't know" I cry "I went to go pee and there was blood everywhere" I explain "Something's not right" I add suddenly feeling like my world is crashing down.

"I'm coming baby girl, don't worry" she assures me.

~🍼~

"Have you been experiencing any contractions or cramps lately?" Dr. Stanford asks as she monitors my heart rate. "Cramps, a few times, nothing bad though" I explain "Any discomfort?" She questions and I nod "He's close to my ribs and sometimes he enjoys kicking me there" I answer "Sometimes when he moves in general it hurts, it just feels like everything's too tight" I add making her nod in understanding.

"Is he okay?" I ask worriedly as she walks back towards her computer and types a few things. "I'm sure he is but just for confirmation" she trails off picking up the gel bottle and wand "Lets make sure" she smiles. I lift my shirt allowing her to squirt a small amount of gel on my stomach before moving the wand methodically around my stomach until my baby appears on the screen. I glance at my mom who's sitting next to me and find her fidgeting with her fingers, she's as worried as I am.

"He seems to look perfectly fine" Dr. Stanford admits before pressing a button making his heartbeat sound throughout the room and my mom let's out a breath of relief. "His heart beat is a little faster than what we want but I'm assuming it's because you were stressed out" she explains "Everything seems to be fine Maya" she assures me with a reassuring smile.

"You're experiencing placenta abruption, which is just the separation of the placenta from the uterine wall. Luckily it's only slight, you're baby will be completely fine" she explains "You're just going to have to take it easy from now on" I nod in understanding "I also want you to call me whenever something happens okay? Even if it's just to ask me a question" I nod again.

~🍼~

I watch as my mom quietly eats her muffin, keeping her eye casted down on the table without saying a single word. After the hospital she offered to take me out to lunch and we we're both eating a muffin as a dessert, although ever since we walked in the restaurant she hasn't said a word to me. "Thanks for taking me to the hospital" I say making her look up at me, "Of course" she smiles not bothering to look up at me.

I take a deep breath and decide to confront her. "Mom I understand that you're mad at me for getting pregnant and everything but it's been months already, why can't you just accept it?" I question hoping that this won't turn out into a fight. She bites her lip and glancing back up to me with tears in her eyes. My heart breaks and my face instantly softens at the sight of her.

"I had a miscarriage" she blurt out taking me by surprise. When was she ever pregnant?

"What?" I ask in shock, looking at my mother expectantly. She takes a deep breath and quickly wipes her eyes free from tears. "Before your dad and I went on our honeymoon I found out I was pregnant" she admits with a small smile, "We were both thrilled, I had my first appointment right before we left, I was around 6 weeks pregnant and everything was perfect. We were both going to tell you when we came back but half way through our honeymoon something went wrong and I ended up losing the baby, I had a miscarriage" she admits breaking my heart.

"On the same day we met Everleigh" she smiles softly "She was our little miracle, I lost a baby but got another one. Shawn and I decided to keep it a secret from you, we didn't want you to feel bad" she explains "Everything was great until August, I got pregnant once more, this time I kept it a secret from all of you, Shawn doesn't even know this. I wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay and not end up like last time but" she trails off her eyes filling with tears "But it did, I lost two babies Maya" she cries causing tears to fill my eyes as well.

"Mom" I sigh taking her hand in mine "I'm so sorry" I whisper my heart breaking as I watch her wipe her tears. "No" she shakes her head "In sorry" she argues looking at me "Seeing how worried you were today for the life of your little boy made me realise something" she admits "I've been so against you being pregnant not only because you're so young but because I was scared and being selfish" she sighs and I furrow my brows.

"I didn't want you to go through what I went through twice in case something wrong happened. You're so young and you've been through so much pain, experiencing a miscarriage would be too much for you"

"And I felt jealous, I couldn't come to terms with my daughter being pregnant whilst I couldn't. I wanted to have another baby but I-I just couldn't, so I took all my anger out on you" she says sadly.

"I'm so sorry Maya, I hope you'll forgive me for how I have acted in these past few months. I have not been a great mother especially when you needed me the most" I bite my lip and let out a sigh.

"You did a lot of things that hurt me during these months, some things that I never thought you would do. I really want to forgive you but I'm just going to need you to prove to me that you are there for me" She nods in understanding "I am really sorry that you had to go through that, I really am. Although I wish you would've been there for me during my pregnancy, you've missed out on a lot and I always thought that I'd have you by my side for everything" I say sadly.

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-Mel❤