Contreltophobia (8BitGaming) *New Version*

《6》

<WARNING: Mentions of rape, self harm and suicide>

<Read at your own risk>
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Ryan slumped back onto the computer chair as Ry sat on the bed. "I've been....struggling?"

Is that the word to use? More of a struggle to end all the...struggling. All the struggles.

Feeling sick, Ryan closed his eyes. "I don't....wanna really say what I'm struggling with, but I don't know how to ask for help either."

"You don't have to tell me if it's personal Ryan. I respect that. I'm also willing to help however I can."

Ry stood up off the bed and knelt down in front of Ryan. "I'm your best mate. You tell me what you need and I'll do the best I can."

There was that warm feeling again. It felt so nice. "I....I'm not sure what I need. And what I want isn't something anyone would be proud of."

Taking his life was definitely something he wouldn't be proud of either. It meant giving up. And Ryan didn't want to give up to easily. That's what he wants.

Ry furrowed his brows a little. "Ryan. Are you...hurting yourself?"

"N-No! Well, not a lot." Ryan rubbed the back of his neck.

"May I?" Ry gestures towards Ryan's arm, most likely wanting to check for proof. "Um...sure."

Ryan held out an arm as Ry gently lifted the jacket sleeve. The only thing there was red marks from a couple smacks from a rubber band the other day.

"I'm doing the best I can. That's...one of my struggles."

"Well-" Ry pulled the sleeve back down. "Baby steps." He gave Ryan a small smile. "I can wait for when you're ready."

He doesn't think he'll ever be ready. It has broken his mind. Something his friend shouldn't know. What he's done. The things he's been called.

Ryan gave a small grin in return anyway. "Thanks." He mumbled. "So does that mean you're okay with not recording?"

"Of course. If you're not up for it don't push yourself."

Ryan loved this feeling. Safe. Calming. Warm.

But what was it? It was something he hasn't felt for a long time.

He usually felt cold. Alone. Used. Panicked.

He had to. He had to tell him. He wanted these good things to stay. He loved the warmth. The loving comments. Feeling safe.

"I was used." Ryan blurted out. He quickly covered his mouth from shock. Ry's eyes widen. "Huh?"

Tears quickly started to build up. Ready to fall. "I-I....I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

"No, Ryan this sounds serious." Ry grabbed Ryan's hands. Ryan whimpered. "Please...please don't leave me. I-I didn't want it. I swear I didn't want it."

Ryan bawled. He pried his hands away from Ry's to cover his face. "H-He just....I couldn't-"

"Sh. Sshh. It's okay." Ry was quick to engulf his friend in a hug, which Ryan gave a frightened squeak in response.

Ry was going to kill whoever did this. He prayed to any god listening that whoever did this doesn't cross paths with him.

"If you didn't give consent Ryan it's not your fault." Ry felt a lump in his throat. But stayed strong for the crying Brit.

"Please don't make me tell you more." Ryan begged. No. Of course Ry won't. "Sh. You don't have to. You're okay."

"I'm not okay. I'm disgusting." Ryan shook his head. That seemed to set something off inside Ry.

"Look at me." Ry whispered.

"Look at me." He growled, hand forcefully grabbing Ryan's chin. "Look at me as I show you the whore you are."

Ryan's breath quickened. He shook his head. "I know what I am." He sobbed. "Please Ryan. I don't know what this person did to you, but at me help and show you that they're wrong."

Ry was crying now. Seeing his friend so broken. "I'm not leaving you. If that's what you think. I'm not leaving and I'm definitely not gonna look at you any differently. But you have to let me."

Drying the snot and tears from his face, Ryan looked up at Ry. He felt guilty now. He had his friend crying over him.

"I see that guilty look. And don't you dare say you're sorry. You don't need to. I'm gonna be here for you."

"You.....do you promise?" Ryan desperately wanted to know if Ry meant it. "Hell Ryan I'll even pinky promise. Childish yes, but if it gets you to believe me."

Ry held out his pinky. Ryan couldn't help but give a weak chuckle and wrap his pinky around Ry's.

"Now dry this face of yours. I'll go downstairs and make you some tea. You relax. Okay?"

Ryan nodded. "Thank you...Ry."

"No problem mate."