Prove It

Chapter XLIV

"Should I have sex with Marcus?" I ask Georgia and Mindy out of the blue. The two invited me for ice cream and now we're just sitting in Georgia's car eating it with the music turned up.

Mindy instantly turns down the volume. "What?" she gasps.

"Should I have sex with Marcus?" I repeat myself and now both of them are staring at me, then at each other, then at me again.

"Why are you asking us?" Georgia asks this time.

"Because I'm in a dilemma here," I explain.

"Which would be?" Mindy presses me.

"I want to, but I'm afraid it'll hurt. How much does it hurt?" I ask quietly, as if someone can hear through the windows.

I look at the both of them for answers, one at a time.

Mindy puts up her hands and shakes her head. "Girl I don't even use tampons, don't go asking me how a penis feels in there," she argues.

I roll my eyes and turn to Georgia.

"It doesn't even hurt that much. If he goes slow enough and you're well, wet enough, you shouldn't feel that much. I didn't. But it is awkward. Don't go into thinking it won't be weird to see another person in front of you naked for the first time so close." She shivers at the end, most likely thinking back to her first time, who for the record, I still don't know.

"You sure? I remember Sofia talking about how her first time was painful." I recall the memory two years ago when Sofia had come to me sobbing because she didn't know what was wrong with herself.

Now she rolls her eyes. "Yes I'm sure, I'm not the virgin here," she chides. But then she leans in closer towards me with an evil glint in her eyes.

"So did Marcus tell you how he likes to get it on?" she whispers and I make a sour face at her.

"Shut up!" I yell as she howls in laughter.

"Has Marcus even had sex before?" Mindy asks through the laughter.

"He's had to, right?" Georgia says, as if it's matter-of-fact. She faces me though with a questioning glance to which I just have to shrug my shoulders.

"If he has I have no idea. I've never heard anything from anyone." I had gone into this thinking Marcus was also a virgin, I just assumed. Maybe making assumptions just wasn't our thing. But does it even matter?

"Are you going to ask him?" I turn my attention towards Mindy who has seemingly lost interest in her ice cream now partially melted in one of the cup holders up front.

"I don't think so. Is it really that big of a deal?" Maybe it is. I may be even more confused coming out of this conversation than I was coming into it.

"I think it'd be good to know what you're getting into. It's kind of obvious for Mindy and C.J," Georgia begins, earning a glare from Mindy which she chooses to ignore, "but it's good to know how experienced he is and for him to know about you. Even if you never heard anything, that doesn't mean he's never done anything before," she reminds me.

I don't like the idea of him being with someone else in that way, but who am I to say anything? That's his choice, it's his life. I chose to not have sex up to this point because that's what I wanted. Whose to say he can't have the same do what you want mantra?

"I might. I don't know yet. How do I even plan this sort of thing?" Do I pick a night and set it up so that it happens? Or do I just wait until it naturally happens? But how does it "naturally" happen? We kiss and say we want to do it?

"You don't. Just go with it. You don't plan this. I know you love to plan and draw out every part of your life that you can, but this is one of the things that you just can't do that."

"I mean don't I have to kind of plan it? I mean starting on Thursday he's going to be at lacrosse practice until 4 and then I'm starting my summer job soon and I have to make sure no one's going to be home while we do it." I start listing off all the variables that I see going into this plan, but Georgia still looks at me like I've lost my damn mind.

"Amanda, girl you need to calm down," she insists. "You can't keep looking at it like you plus Marcus plus empty house equals sex."

"I never said it did," I defend myself, only to be given the are you sure because it sure sounded like it look from both of them.

"Fine, but I don't know how else to look at it. It's not like we can just do it whenever or wherever if the mood strikes. I don't want anyone in my family knowing I had sex. That's just embarrassing."

"I'm not saying it has to be spontaneous, I'm just saying you want it to be special and natural, not structured out. Hell, by the time you've finished planning for this, you'd even have the time he's to get off written down too."

"By the way how long should sex last?" I ask, not even remembering that part of the equation. I mean I was going to factor in a while, but I don't know how long sex should go on for.

Look, I'm not a complete idiot, I just don't know the logistics, really, just what I've heard around and what I've been taught in school. And the dreaded birds and the bees talk with my parents.

"Uh, I don't know. Fifteen minutes? Amanda what the fuck I don't check the time when I'm doing it. If you really want to know, go find the mean of every porn video ever made and maybe you'll get your answer," she replies.

"Look I just don't know what I'm doing-" I begin but Georgia cuts me off.

"And you don't have to. No one knows what the fuck they're doing the first time, even if they say they do. Trust me, I know." She shivers again, recalling another memory I'm sure.

"Even if you read every book, listened to any person or watched every sex tape in existance, you still don't know unless you're in the situation. Don't read into it too much, promise me. If you do, you'll just make yourself more anxious and that's definitely not the mood for sexy time."

I nod my head thoughtfully as I put down the last scoop of ice cream from my cup.

"Alright. But I still don't know how to not be nervous," I say and she leans her shoulder into her seat.

"I don't think you can get rid of it. My first time I was freaking out until he got off, so I don't know. But just relax, Amanda. Even if you're nervous, if it feels right to you just go for it and I can almost guarantee he'll follow."