Chapter XLVI

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I've never been more excited and nervous about something in my entire life.

Seriously, I can't think of another event in my life that has made me so content and so scared at the same time.

I set up my room, my sheets are untucked, a condom is tucked in the drawer beside my bed and there is a movie ready to be played.

Am I missing anything? I look at my room and decide I have everything I need set out and stored away where they need to be. The only thing left is me.

I change into the outfit I had picked out specifically for this night. A silky camisole and loose and flowly shorts. I had taken my shower and have prepared my body in every way I could think to lose my virginity tonight.

Looking at it now I know it was too much prep for tonight, but I just couldn't help myself. The planning and organizing of the night was what had to be done to settle some of the nerves. Taking care of what I could control made me sit more securely on my decision.

Now all I can do is wait for him to arrive. The nerves begin to return with each second that clocks by. I twiddle with my fingers and check my hair and teeth for the hundreth time this evening before I hear a knock at my door.

I quickly remove myself from the mirror and open the door cautiously. I peek through the crack and Marcus is standing in front of the doorway. I open the door all the way up for him to step inside.

"Hey," he greets me with a smile and the smallest of kisses, but that's all it takes for me to respond in the way I plan to tonight.

"You smell different. Did you get a new perfume?" he asks and I nod shyly. Before tonight I had picked up a jasmine smelling perfume after reading somewhere it was one of the most enticing scents for a guy.

"Yeah, I just picked it up. Do you like?" I look up at him for approval.

"It's nice," he says plainly, and I can see now that I don't really have to worry about scent that much I suppose. It doesn't seem to make a difference in his attitude.

"Amanda?" he asks with a cocked head.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright? You seem a little off. Is something wrong?" He pulls me in closer, a worried expression etching his face.

"Um," I begin, not sure whether to just fess up or keep the act going like I was planning.

When he looks at me with an expectant face I sigh and give up. I can't think of a lie more convincing, and I suppose either way he'll figure it out. Why not just get the humiliation over with sooner now shall we?

"I want to- I want to have sex. With you," I chunck out like an idiot. My cheeks are burning, and I feel myself begin to sweat from the embarrassing heat that is taking over my body. So much for that shower.

"Is that why you're in these silky pajamas instead of that Patriots shirt I always see you in?" he asks with a smile. I dig my face into his shirt even further to hide my humiliation. I shake my head though to answer his question. I'm getting more nervous as to what else he'll pick out that's out of the ordinary.

"I just wanted to, you know, be sexy?" I inform him, my head still pressed against him, talking to more his shirt than to his face.

He chuckles from above me and I feel myself shrink smaller. Oh God.

"You're always sexy Amanda. You're always adorable, you're always perfect," he says. With another chuckle he adds, "You always smell good, too. Even without perfume."

I let out a sigh and finally find enough courage within me to look up at him. His eyes are shining with amusement, but I can tell he's trying hard to keep it in to prevent me from feeling bad.

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