HYUN [ JJK ]

41

Jeongguk wouldn't say that he came from a family who showered him with overloaded love but he could say that he was living a happy life, though it got rough sometimes but it was nothing he couldn't manage. The last time he was feeling down was when he left his parents' house and that was not because he was feeling homesick. It was because it suddenly hit him how miserable living on his own was, the memory of him cursing under his breath along the whole first week was still crystal clear, ringing at the back of his mind whenever he reminisced the hardship he faced three years ago.

It was not even half of the day yet Jeongguk was tired of feigning happiness, tired of forcing himself to smile every time he talked to his classmates, tired of forcing out a laugh over the simplest thing to convince Hoseok that he was completely fine. Jeongguk felt like a bomb had been implanted in his head, his heartbeat was like the timer, signalling that the bomb would explode soon yet nothing he could do about that. He didn't want to skip class today, but after realising how he couldn't recall anything from the previous lecture, he knew he should've stayed at home with Hyun instead.

The one in his grasp was his fifth can of beer, also the last one that he bought when he dropped by a convenience store while he was on his way to the university. Jeongguk's alcohol tolerance wasn't that high but at this rate, he didn't bother being caught red handed for smuggling alcoholic drinks into the department, didn't mind if he would have to listen to the disciplinary body's long lecture. Jeongguk just didn't want to care about anything. All he wanted to do was forgetting.

It was funny how sometimes he found solace in things that would ruin him, funnier how people often said being drunk was the worst option to forget when it was actually the most effective way. Jeongguk heard everywhere that the effect was temporary—soon when he was sober, he would remember all his problems again and that was like travelling back to the time before he drank. Jeongguk heard everywhere that the best solution was talking out, but in this case, Jeongguk doubted if anyone could understand him. Hoseok? That guy was the best friend he could ever ask for but not when it comes to emotions and soft spot like this. Jaehwa? Jeongguk didn't want to burden her anymore after forcing her to talk to him all night long.

Throwing his head back, Jeongguk let out a sigh, the taste of beer and a hint of metallic taste from the aluminium can stung his tongue. His vision was still clear (thankfully) but his mind was hazy, too hazy that he didn't think he could think straight now.

"Jeongguk?" He heard his name being called but Jeongguk chose to ignore it. He heard footsteps before seeing someone from his peripheral, a small sigh accidentally left his lips when the other person patted his back in a harsh manner. "Did you drink? Are you drunk?"

Jeongguk shook his head lazily and rested it on the table, a frown gradually formed on his face upon the coldness of the steel against his cheek. "I'm okay."

"You smuggled these, didn't you?" Hoseok asked, his gaze piercing Jeongguk was borderline sober. "Stop creating problems, Jeongguk. I know it's hard for you but-"

"Shut up." Jeongguk cut Hoseok off, however his eyes remained closed. "You don't understand. You know nothing so don't tell me that you know how I'm feeling right now." He opened his eyes slightly, only to know that Hoseok was looking down at him with the stare he gave when he was mad or annoyed. Nevertheless, Jeongguk shrugged his shoulders, smiling faintly before he closed his eyes again. "I just want to forget. It's better to see Hyun go in this state. When I wake up next morning, I won't remember anything." Jeongguk paused, the lump at the back of his throat was starting to kill him from the inside. "Right, Hoseok?"

Hoseok swallowed hard, his jaw clenched as he stretched out his hand to pat Jeongguk's back lightly. "Jeongguk-"

"I know that I am disgracing myself but whatever, Hoseok." Jeongguk inhaled sharply and tilted his head, his tousled hair complementing the tints of red on his cheeks. "I don't think I can see Hyun go. You can laugh if you want to, but that's what I want you to know. I love Hyun so much that I don't think I can let him go."