thin walls / calum hood

2.7

Calum

It had built and built; the lump in his chest. Calum hadn't told anyone, and dealing with it on his own hadn't been easy. So when she stood there, her face stained by tears, asking him what the hell was wrong with him and why he was so messed up, he told her. It would push her further away than ever, but maybe that was for the better.

"You want to know everything?" Calum spoke through gritted teeth. He knew that the truth was about to slip and that it would hurt her, but he couldn't hold back. "I've never had as much alcohol as I've had these past weeks. I'd never smoked weed or even snuck out at night before. I've never wanted to die, but somehow I happened to want to try that as well. Damn fucking right I've changed."

His jaw was clenched, eyes furiously moving from hers to everywhere else. It was as if he couldn't even look at her when admitting to it. Just saying it out loud made it all sound so much worse, but once he had started he couldn't stop. Word by word got thrown out of his mouth and there was no way he could hold himself back.

"No." No matter how much Hayley seemed to desperately try to misunderstand what she had just heard him say, it only came back to one thing. Calum could see her putting it all together in her mind. "You were high when you slept with her?"

He remained silent. There were tears in his eyes when he lifted them again, having calmed from his rage. The confession had drained him. Guilt washed through his as she stared at him, judging every damn inch of him so much he had to look away.

"If I had just ignored the damn voice singing Sam Smith at the top of her lungs things would have been a lot different right now."

"That's unfair," she croaked, looking crushed. "You would have slept with her no matter if you'd met me or not."

That was true. A one night stand without regrets.

"Life isn't fucking fair. It's never been fair!"

"I'm sorry."

Calum didn't know what she was apologising for, but it seemed like the right thing to say it back. His mind wasn't working properly; feelings and thoughts were getting smashed against each other until it was all a big, livid mess. "I am sorry, too."

"I'll leave." Hayley moved towards the door.

"Leave me for Michael, yeah?" he said, no longer in charge of what he was saying or thinking or feeling or doing. His face was hot and his breathing was shallow and uneven like his heartbeats.

Why couldn't he stop himself from hurting her?

"At least he doesn't hurt me like you!" she shouted back at him tears streaming down hot cheeks. "He's never hurt me."

"Good for him." He moved towards her, his tall body throwing a shade over her. It pained him that her words might be true. Maybe Michael could give her more than he could. "Why don't you call him back, then?"

"Why don't you go get high with Alyssa and do whatever the fuck it is you two do," she cried, pushing his chest. He was stronger than her, but Calum let her hands easily move him back once more. She backed away; the space between the two grew. "I hate you."

There was a tone to her voice, making her sound completely broken and he wished it weren't because of him, but he couldn't take anything back when it had all been said and done. If he could have brought it back to the start - he would have. He moved back, fists clenched and tears fresh at his eyes. He hated Calum as well.

"Leave, then, if you hate me so much," Calum said, knowing it was better to let her go, and save them both the pain.

They stayed quiet, staring at each other. Rage, pain, sadness came and went, but neither moved. In the silence accompanied by a vicious melody of strings suggesting another was to be killed off in the film, Hayley sneezed.

She wiped her nose with her sleeve. "I'm allergic to you, you dick."

Calum heard himself let out a dry, short and deceptive laugh. Even during a moment like this, she managed to make jokes. She was probably the only one.

Hayley slammed the door behind her and she got no further than out of sight before his legs gave in. Sitting helplessly in fetal position on the floor, Calum thought of how much he hated everything and himself and her. Yeah, she might be allergic to him, but - fuck - he was allergic to her as well.

The film was still rolling, and the pizza was getting cold. Calum couldn't think of anything else than how the things on her silly little list definitely weren't good, and calling them better than anything was so stupid. Calum felt sick to his stomach and nothing had ever been worse.

Downstairs, he heard glass breaking and things being thrown. He felt like doing the same, so his furious hands reached for his mother's vase and threw it against the striped wallpaper. It felt good, watching it fall into pieces all over the floor. The sound of it breaking shook through him, and he wished she, as well, had heard it through thin walls.

On careful paws, the puppy made it's way over to Calum who lifted his new best - and perhaps his only - friend into his arms. He buried his face into her soft, fluffy neck and cried. Little Fedora was the only one who didn't judge. "I've really messed up this time," he sniffled.

-

GIF DAMMIT

should i do a character ask or naahh??

will calum get himself out of the bad place he's in?

WHY did mikey call so many times? will she regret not picking up? hmmmmmmm. . .

btw still doing dedications if u want one comment and i'll do as many as i can

the new ship name for Hayley and Calum is caley because it's a lot better than haylum thanks to fb_xox for coming up with it x