Learning | Jacob Frye x Reader |

Confess To Me

"So, what is it exactly that you want to talk about, or what do you want to say?"

"Well, that's just a tad cold isn't it, (Y/N)?" he smiles. I roll my eyes and look at his face.

"If this is a joke to you, I'd rather go to work Jacob."

"What can I say? Does it sound like I'm joking (Y/N)?" His smile turns into a longing stare.

"Honestly?" I ask. My heart was racing, like it was against time itself. This is it.

"Honestly," he reiterates. I feel a sudden dryness in my mouth and turn away from him.

"I have absolutely no idea to what you're thinking. Or feeling. Since I've met you, I've felt that we've been similar, yet I can never understand what is going through your mind," I sputter out, only just managing to maintain a level voice. "I cannot read your mind."

"Then tell me what you're feeling because nor can I read your mind." By God, this is irrefutably exhausting. We're dodging each other's questions.

"That night, when we killed Delfort, I started to realize that I cannot have gone on to think you of as a friend," I pause to contemplate my next sentences. "Only as a friend."

"Nothing like murder to bring people together," he smirks, reveling in his own remarks. I try to avoid revealing my smile, as it would only encourage his attitude to this conversation. "But I realized it too. I had a reaction to you that I have never felt before, in my life."

"I realized that you're more than that to me. Or rather, I want you to be more than that." I don't stop to study his reaction. "I care about you Jacob and it is just the most incredibly aggravating thing."

"Why?" he replies, in a voice edging on vexatious.

"Why? Why?" I look him in the eyes and find him to be serious. "Every backhanded comment you make, every ill-advised plan, every poorly aimed gun and every drunken spur enumerates itself into my attraction for you," I pause to examine his demeanor, which looked as enraged as it did self-flagellant. "Because, all the while I'm feeling these things, these emotions, I have no idea what you're thinking, let alone if you return them," I exasperate, catching my breath after my continuous ramble.

"Well let me clarify it for you right now," he says, avoiding my eye sight. "I do. I do feel the same way and let me tell you, that you too send me right off the deep end (Y/N)," he turns his head as he beings to reflect my listing of behaviors. "Your capability to outwit me at every turn, out run me even, your endless supply of eyerolls and crude remarks, and so God help me, I've fallen in love with every single fragment of you." He stops and breathes heavily. His last words ring densely and noisily through my mind, intruding every single thought, idea and memory in my mind. We stand in silence in the darkening street, the tense air between us continuing to poison our conversation, with had halted.

"You loved me?" I inquire for confirmation that what I just heard was what was meant.

"Love. As in, presently and as current as my last breath."

"Jacob, I had no idea, I mean-"

"Don't tell me that (Y/N). Because if that is true, if that is how you feel, it means that what I've felt for you and told you has been in vein and with cause prolonged agony, for us both," he interjects, slowly letting defeat relax into his facial expression. His soft brown eyes seemed to have less of a lightness and his expression seemed to have dulled. As I stutter to respond to his sharpened words, his face continues to fall. "You know what? Let's forget this. We don't have to talk about this again, and we have rounds it fifteen minutes. We better get going," he says in response to my extended silence. He turns his back to me, his coat gently swinging with him. He takes one step forward, and before he can embark on his second, my hand rushes forward and grasp his wrist. This is my chance, I need to tell him, or I will lose him to my own fear. My own self restriction. I have been waiting for him to tell me what I want to hear, but maybe I need to tell him what I want him to hear. What he must hear.

"No Jacob. We can't do that." I pull him closer to my body, closing the larger gap between us. I let my hand fall from his left wrist to his hand and tighten my hand over his leather cladded one. "I may not know how this is going to affect us, and I may not know how we go about this but..." I take my left hand and put it on his right shoulder, grappling with the course material of his coat. "I love you."