Deception: The Journal

(Safe)

I was so thrilled Johnny came up with that shared journal.
I heard him and Angelica walk back to the living room as I was writing in it. Than I relized it would only work best if Johnny and I sat together and wrote back and forth like a real conversation.
Its weird and I know I didn't tell him, I just didn't want to get into it than but when he's talking to me or anyone is talking to me I don't hear half of what they are saying to me.
I don't know why.
Its as if I start getting lost in thought and I am no longer there.
But when I was reading his reply I got everything.
I still can't get over that we were kidnapped before we were born.
Why did he keep us?
Was he that desperate to have two kids on hand to abuse whenever he couldn't get out to kill someone, I mean come on.
Johnny did have a point, our old man or what ever he really is was getting worse, I don't know more tortury like.
I don't think thats a word but you know what I mean.
I wonder how long he would have kept us alive?
Forever to the point of locking us up and torture us whenever he felt the need till he slipped up and killed one of us?
I have to stop worrying about this we will never know the truth...
Today instead of exploring we met with Ms.Light, she's the child shrink.
Thankfully she let Johnny and I sit together.
Angelica gave her our notebooks.
Apparently she gets to read it.
I cried when I saw the books on her desk.
Johnny yelled at her.
"Who said you can read these!?
Their our personal thoughts and that one is our personal conversation!" Johnny tried to take the books back but she moved them into her desk.
"Boys look at me.
Ms.Clark is under strict orders not to read your notebooks but I have to.
Now only the three of us will ever know what you write...
John..." She tried to stop Johnny from cutting in but he hates being called John dad calls him that especially when he is about to hurt him.
"Don't ever call me that lady." Johnny said through clenched teeth.
"I'm sorry...
May I ask why?" Ms.Light asked.
"No." Johnny pouted as he wiped his eyes.
"Okay maybe later...
Now as I was trying to tell you..
I have to read them to know what is wrong, especially with Cam.
Boys don't ever feel like you have to hide anything from me.
I can't tell anyone what we discuss or what I read.
It will stay personal between us, unless you think we need to tell anyone else.
Do you understand?" Ms.Light looked between us.
I wouldn't look at her but I could see her looking at me than at Johnny.
Johnny and I looked at each other for a minute.
"You okay with that?" Johnny asked as he handed me a pen and paper off her desk.
I wrote 'I guess.'
She liked that Johnny was able to get a response out of me.
"So this shared journal, was this your idea Johnny?" She smiled as she pulled it out of her drawer.
"Yeah." Johnny smiled sheepishly at her.
"You know you might have a career in being a psychiatrist when you grow up.
Not many break through to a shocked patient so quickly.
You found what works for him and used it.
I like that you actually turned it into a conversation.
You know it might actually be the only way he is retaining...
Um...
Getting all of your conversation in." Ms.Light smiled at us.
I liked that she didn't try and make me look at her.
We knew the word she thought was to advanced for us.
Were twelve not two.
"Okay so is it okay that I make a copy so I can read this on my own time instead of taking up your time?" Ms. Light inquired.
"Sure as long as its just you." Johnny said.
"Okay...
Now how are you two sleeping?
Any nightmares or waking up in the middle of the night?" Ms.Light asked.
"Yeah all of the above but thats always been our life.
We never not had nightmares.
But when we sleep together we sleep through the night mostly.
Since this though Cam never uncuddles. I'm like his living stuffed animal." Johnny sighed.
I knew it wasn't that he didn't like I was clinging to him.
He was concerned about me mentally.
"Its perfectly normal.
Its only been about four days since he saw Travis shot, that's what sent him over the edge.
But what I got to read he was edging to this after your fall Johnny.
See when it comes to twins there is a more special bond thats created in the womb.
The fact your mother was kidnapped probably instilled in the two of you to be even closer than usual.
Some think twins can feel the other.
Being identical could be even stronger." Ms.Light explained.
"You saying he felt pain when that guy beat me up?" Johnny looked at me with concern.
"Possible but he wouldn't realize it.
It would have been more of a what was that feeling.
But to the look of you two I can see he ensured you got the same punishment.
Now you two are wondering about his sudden want to to drown you.
Cam being the first test.
Well the police said they rescued a young boy prior to his arrest that was being drowned.
Cam when the police were there they had a lead on the Boy's attacker Mr.Black left something behind at the scene.
It was a photo of you Cam under water in the tub.
He must have taken the picture before draining the tub.
How you survived was a miracle." Ms.Light had tears in her eyes talking about this as if it was personal to her.
"So he takes pictures of his victims?" Johnny asked nervously.
"Yes Johnny.
Yes the police said they found photos on how he hurt you boys.
Killed your mother and other victims.
We don't have answered why or what his future plans were for you boys.
But from this point on you are going to be safe and you are going to heal.
I promise." Ms.Light knelt in front of us. I don't know when she got there.
I never even seen her move.
"Your loosing time aren't you?
Don't worry Cam its because your mind is racing to catch up.
Its as if you have this injury on your brain, it saw something its trying desperately to erase.
But its not as tragic as your mind thinks.
Travis is alive.
Johnny is alive.
Cameron your still alive and surrounded by people who love you and care about." She was nice I like her.
I leaned down and hugged her.
I didn't know she would hug back being a shrink and all but she did, she held me as I cried like a mother would hold and comfort her child.
I am beginning to wander if I saw him kill mom.
I keep longing for a mothers hug.
Johnny is the closet because he rembers how she held us and tickled our heads and backs to make us feel safe.
Johnny found out he has this thing called eidetic memory.
Its a real thing, he can look at something for a sec and never forget it.
Kinda stinks, means he remembers his first beating.
My first beating even.
If he saw him kill our mom he probably remembers every detailed.
I looked over at Johnny on that thought.
"Johnny did you see him kill mom?" I asked.
Johnny was over joyed to hear me talk that he just hugged and kissed me ignoring my question.
"Johnny please I need to know did you see?" I half whispered.
As Johnny was hugging me I felt him start crying.
"Yes Cam.
He forced us to watch.
We were to afraid of him to look away but I don't know why, I covered your eyes.
He was satisfied one of us saw what he could do to us." Johnny looked between me and Ms.Light
"I rather not talk about what I saw and remember.
You said you have pictures.
Just note two three year olds were there watching.
You will never see me write it in my journal either." Johnny sighed as he kept looking at me who wouldn't stop looking up at him.
"Cam I know you hear this a lot lately but how are you feeling?" Ms.Light asked as I laid against Johnny who wouldn't stop hugging me.
"Better I guess." I shrugged.
"Well even if after you leave here and you still don't feel like talking to anyone else you don't have to but please keep in mind how hard this is for your brother so at least talk to him.
Is it okay with you if I give Angelica this little info?
So she can understand and explain to her children why your only talking with Johnny." Ms.Light made a good point I don't know if I want to talk like before but I doubt I won't talk now that I am.
But Ms.Light thinks I could relapse that in this moment I felt I was finally safe and had something I really need an answers for.
"Okay.
You really think I'll clam up again?" I asked as tears fell down my face.
"I don't know what triggered it in the first place but at least we now know your still in there." Ms.Light smiled as she kissed my forehead...
Angelica was thrilled but did as asked and didn't make a big deal about it.
"Can we go exploring.
I know how to get home?" Johnny begged as he hugged me from behind.
"Please." I added knowing if it was me she'd cave.
Angelica chuckled she knew our little scam but she still caved.
She gave us spending credit.
She said it was unlimited for the first day of spending.
So we were allowed to go on a shopping spree.
We bought some new clothes and shoes.
Got our hair cut, we actually look like teenagers now, instead of babies.
Granted we are still twelve but in one more week we will be thirteen....
When we got him we showed off our loot.
Angelica was actually surprised to see practical stuff and yet pleased on how responsible we were.
We even got educational books.
And stopped in at the school.
Johnny explained to them our situation which they already knew.
They gave us placement tests and homework for the school year.
They said as long as we completed the tests we will pass so thats what Johnny and I are gonna work on...
We did our tests after dinner, it didn't take us long to finish.
After we relaxed on our bed and watched an action movie.
Angelica was against it but I told her if I have to watch one more baby movie I was gonna snap.
Besides its still a kid movie Cats & Dogs
Dina snuck in and surprised us with taking our picture.
We chased her all over the house trying to take the camera away.
But she locked herself in her room.
Like really...
We can just pick the lock.
Which we did.
She was already at the door to present us with our first together still twelve year olds pic.
Even for how bruised we we were we looked so relaxed.

"Figured I capture your last week of being kids.
Next week your going to be thirteen.
Before we know it you'll be on your own raising your own family." Dina fake cried as she was being overly dramatic.
"Thinking of being an actress D?" Johnny teased.
"You never know." Dina playfully punched his arm.
The two got locked in a wrestling match.
"Okay you two stop before Johnny cries." Angelica teased.
Me and Johnny went back to watching the movie once it was over we went to sleep.
"Cam don't ever feel like you can't talk to me." Johnny kissed my forehead as I snuggled against him.
"I really don't know why.
I just couldn't talk.
I was trying.
Johnny can we keep doing the shared notebook?" I looked up at him.
"Yeah of course sometimes its easier to get things out by writing." Johnny smirked as he snuggled his face onto the top of my head as he tickled my neck.
I fell asleep pretty quick.
I remember mom doing that to get us to sleep.
Probably why Johnny dose that with me.
"Johnny you think that maybe she survived like I did in the tub?" I mumbled as I was drifting off to sleep.
"Funny I was thinking the samething.
They said they have a picture but no one said a body.
I mean he was a master of deception he could have knocked her out and switched her with a fake.
We were three make it gross enough it would be believable." Johnny sighed.
"You thought about that more than I thought." I chuckled as he poked a ticklish spot.
"Yeah ever since it happened." Johnny yawned...