Chapter 5 | A Need To Exhale

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This is the LAST hospital flashback. I'm done making y'all sad.
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But what am I to do?
My mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope.
One small thing, to, cling, to...

***

From Semaj:

Listen I know you have a life. And you are not entitled to run when I call, but I really need you. I don't know who else to turn to. Everything can be paid for to make things easier but I can't go to my mom. Or grandma. Or any of Michael's family. And I know it's been a little while since we talked and that's on me but I miss you. And I need someone or else I'm going to drive myself crazy. Please.

Semaj's POV

There was a lot of things I wish I would've done.

Could've done.

Could've prevented from happening to spare myself the pain that I was going through both mentally and physically. I'd been so caught up in the world that housed a perfect Semaj and Michael marriage that I failed to look at the reality of it all. Shit happened and everything wasn't as easy to fight through and get over as I assumed they would be.

Scars took time to heal.

Forgiveness was hard to come by.

And understanding was a bitch that never came around.

I couldn't understand how Michael could cheat on me. After what he'd been through with Lonnie and how he swore that cheating on me was something he could never do because that would be inflicting the same pain Lonnie caused him on to me... Bullshit. And not only was cheating not enough for him, but he had to go and turn to someone who I thought was my friend.

It took a lot in me to not call Eric and tell him what a whore my husband and his wife were. And I was still treading on the thin line of making that call wanting to spare Eric the humiliation that his wife had caused me. But he had kids and him and Cam had a longer history dating back to their teenage years in high school while Michael and I were only five, six, years deep?

But I was in love with him. My world revolved around him. I'd packed up the life I'd made in North Carolina and moved halfway across the world away from my close family and friends thinking that being here would give us a new start in life.

And while we did get that new start it turned for the absolute worst. I wasn't 100% clean in this situation either. I'd done my dirt and regretted not being honest with Michael about what I wanted to do, but I knew him. I knew my husband. And he wouldn't have been able to see from my eyes why I felt what I did was right.

Because as of now my once clear view of my actions were becoming a blurred vision.

I didn't know what to do. I'd pushed through a depressing work week keeping a smile on my face when the suit and ties were out, but fell apart behind the closed doors of this million-dollar mansion Michael still had failed to return to.

It was starting to feel like less of a home and more of a land for memories of pain and regret. But I couldn't bring myself to leave. I couldn't bring myself to wash the sheets in our bed because his side still smelled like him. Or throw out the hoodie I'd been wearing for about a week because it was about the equivalent of having him near me.

I was pathetic. A pathetic 22-year-old who was madly in love with a man who didn't seem to give a damn about her anymore.

This was it. This was truly the end of the perfect Semaj and Michael relationship that I had tried to hold on to since we recited our vows and said I Do. I thought we could stand the test of time and overcome any obstacle, but I was a little too confident in our relationship.

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