concept
where josh is anxious about speaking on stage and throws up from how anxious he is
warnings!
anxiety
throwing up
lots of crying
mentions of age regression
josh was shaking. it was 30 minutes before he went on stage and he was going to speak ukrainian in front thousands of people. he didn't like speaking in front of people. it made his hands shake, he would sweat, and he often couldn't breathe.
he was sitting in a room with tyler. the bathroom was right beside them. josh was shaking. he kept memorizing and practicing but he couldn't shake the thought that maybe he wrote it down wrong or maybe he would forget or if this wasn't even right over all.
« you okay? » tyler asked softly. josh nodded. they both knew it wasn't true but tyler didn't like pushing josh to talk about things since he always thought he was bad at speaking.
« you can always back out if you want to, » tyler said as he walked towards josh. josh shook his head.
« i'm fine, im fine, » josh quickly went back to reading. he felt sick. a lump in his throat grew and he could feel his mouth water. his throat tensed and closed every once in a while. he was going to throw up. he knew it. he couldn't stop it.
josh quickly stood up and sprinted towards the bathroom. as soon as he got on his knees, he threw up everything he ate that day. josh tried to breathe but he couldn't. he was shaking as he hunched over the toilet. he sobbed as he finally stopped and he could take a couple breathes before he threw up again.
this wasn't the first time josh has
thrown up from his anxiety. when tyler asked him to sing during anathema he threw up right before the show. he also threw up before he proposed to debby. it was the most nerve wracking thing he's ever done.
« shh, it's okay, » tyler slowly leaned down next to josh's shaking form and started rubbing his back, watching closely incase josh shook his head in protest to his touch. josh either wanted to be coddled or left alone when these things happened and tyler can't predict which he wants from day to day.
josh luckily leaned into his touch
and he laid his head against the wall. tyler picked up a hand towel next the the sink and turned on the warm water. he rinsed the towel before wiping josh's mouth. josh looked up with his big puppy dog eyes. tears streamed down his face and josh couldn't stop them.
« you really don't have to do it. i know how scary it can be for you, » tyler said again as he put the towel down next to the sink. josh shook his head and swallowed hard.
« i-i have to. i really h-have to, » josh sobbed and grabbed onto tyler. josh's big hoodie made josh feel safe and tyler's arms around him made him feel even safer.
« it's okay, josh. just tell me if you don't want to, okay? you're so so strong, honey, » tyler kissed josh's forehead and josh started to calm down.
« i-i wish i could r-egress, » josh whimpered sadly. tyler nodded and sighed. he knew how important regressing was to josh's mental health. it was pretty much part of his self-care routine he did when he felt overwhelmed (which was almost everyday).
« i know, but we have to wait until after, okay? » josh nodded and stayed in tyler's arms until they had to go out.
mark knocked on the door to tell them that it was almost time, but when they didn't reply he opened the door. he was a bit shocked to see josh curled up on tylers chest next to a vomit filled toilet, but he decided not to question them.
« it's almost time, » mark said. tyler
held up a thumbs up and he left. tyler leaned down next to josh's ear.
« ready to go, baby? » josh nodded and they both stood up. tyler flushed the toilet before they left and tyler chuckled at the but of drool down josh's chin. he must've fallen asleep for a bit.
—
go time. josh stood up from behind
his drums and slowly walked up to the microphone. he could hear his own heartbeat as he stood in front of the mic. he glanced over and saw tyler watching intently, hoping josh would be okay and ready to step in just incase he wanted to back out.
« h-hello, » josh mumbled into the mic and everyone started screaming. he looked out onto the crowd and slowly started to speak.
he grinned cutely when he got it right
and everyone was so proud of him. he looked over and saw a proud smile on tylers face and he skipped back to his drums.
—
« you did so good! » tyler smiled as they hugged. josh's sweaty chest pressed against tylers. it would have been uncomfortable in any other situation but it's all josh needed.
later that night josh facetimed debby. josh's grin as he talked about how he spoke in front of everyone and how he got it perfect was beautiful.
« that's so good, baby, » debby smiled. josh grinned back and went back to babbling about how he was so worried about nothing and debby listened to every word. josh eventually fell asleep while he was talking to debby, his face pressed against the mattress and debby said a little 'i love you' before ending the call.
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