The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 36: Where were you?

~Eleanor~

No note, no text, and no call for over a week now. It's now Friday, a week since his accident and our awful night in the hospital, and he hasn't returned home. I tried to call him, and I texted him multiple times, but I never got an answer. I am extremely worried. Where is he? What if he never comes back? Would he really do that? It doesn't sound like something he would do, but what if I broke something between us when I left? The many stories of boys bailing on their pregnant girlfriends I have heard play in my mind on a loop ever since I came home to an empty apartment.

I have barely slept since I came back from Victoria. I always listen, thinking every small noise is him coming back home. I can't say I've been really focused at school either. I ignored Matthew's many attempts to talk to me, and Blair and Vivienne ignored me all week, but they are the least of my problems right now. I also haven't been feeling well, and William's pills against morning sickness aren't really working. This is why I decided to stay home today. I didn't have any exams, so it was the perfect day to stay home watching movies on Netflix while worrying about Ben.

I am through my third Riverdale episode when I hear someone trying to unlock the door. Instantly, my heart speeds up. Our confrontation is near, and it freaks the hell out of me, not because of the screaming match awaiting us, but because I have to announce my decision. Of course, I want his opinion on this very important subject, but if it was up to me, the decision would have already been made.

I stay wrapped up in my blanket but pause the TV during the scene where Archie gets beaten up in juvie. A few seconds later, the door opens, revealing a surprised looking Ben. He clearly wasn't expecting me to be home. He drops his bags on the floor while looking straight at me. I regret not getting dressed this morning. Our conversation would be less awkward if I'd be wearing jeans instead of pink fluffy pajama pants. I start nervously playing with my fingers when he goes directly into the bathroom without saying a word to me. I knew he was going to be mad, but I didn't expect him to ignore me. I get up from the couch, deciding to talk to him right away. Better rip the bandage than letting it sink in. I know that's not the right saying, but this version fits my situation. He's unpacking his clothes when I lean on the doorway, coughing to get his attention. He turns towards me for a second before focusing on his clothes again.

"Ben, can we talk?" He shakes his head without looking at me, and it honestly feels like he just stabbed me. "Just listen then." He shakes his head again, this time walking towards me to shut the door in my face. I try to not let his actions get to me too much, but it's hard. Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I sit back down on the couch, staring at Archie's beaten up face thinking that my heart must probably look like that right now.

He must spend an hour in our room before coming out. He changed his jeans for a pair of black sports pants and his button-up for a simple white t-shirt. I know he's nervous, he keeps playing with his hair, his hands going from his face to his hair. He sits on the small table in front of me, avoiding eye contact. It's the first time I get the chance to get a closer look at him since he walked in. His eyes are red, and the dark circle show how tired he is. Did he cry? I have seen Ben cry very few times during our relationship. The first time was when we watched Hatchi together, then, two years later when his grandma passed away. Honestly, I think that's it. I just want him to look at me, but I know he won't.

"Ben," is the only thing I say. He looks up, staring at the wall behind me.

"Where were you? I waited for hours at the hospital," he says his tone flat like he couldn't care less.

"I went to Victoria, I needed to think. Please look at me, Ben." I try and search for his eyes, but he looks away every time I come close enough to get a glimpse of his green eyes.

"And telling me wasn't an option? You couldn't think with me?" I shake my head, but since he isn't looking, he can't see it. Talking about it brings back all the emotions, causing the tears to rush out of my eyes.

"No, I couldn't. I needed to make up my own mind without being influenced by you." He chuckles, but not the good kind of chuckles. It's the type of laugh that would scare me if I didn't know him better.

"And did you make up your mind?" I nod. "So, you can think with Olive, but not with me? Then, what are we doing, Ella? Since I don't get a say or anything." He spits his words instead of saying them. How does he know about Olive? He is assuming or is he sure?

"Listen, I am not the only one in the wrong here. Where were you? It's been a week, Ben." I try to stay calm, but it's getting harder with every passing second.

"I went with the team since I'm captain and all. I wanted to be there for them." I clearly get the hidden message in his last sentence, but I decide to ignore it.

"You didn't think that texting me back or calling me was a good idea?" I raise my voice a little, hoping to get a reaction out of him.

"And you didn't think about leaving me a note telling me where you were?" He got up during his speech to start pacing around the small living room. This conversation is going south very fast, and south isn't where it should be heading. 

"I couldn't breathe, Ben. I was literally suffocating in that room, I had to go somewhere." He finally turns his head towards me, but his expression isn't what I was anticipating. He looks more hurt than angered.

"What does that say about us, Ella? If you can't even breathe with me, where does that put us?" He isn't screaming anymore. In fact, his voice hasn't been this soft since that day in the hospital where we learned about the pregnancy, making my tears fall even faster down my cheeks.