The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 44: Trying 101

~Eleanor~

When I walk in the locker room on Monday morning, it's like every head turns towards me. I know I skipped the last class, but I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I don't know half of these people. I walk to an empty locker in which I place my purse before sitting down on the bench to get changed into shorts and a sports t-shirt Ben made me buy. "It captures the sweat," he said, and apparently capturing sweat is essential when you run. I am tying my second running shoe, that he also made me buy, when I notice the lock on the locker next to mine. I recognize it immediately, it's Blair's. She drew hearts all over it when she was dating this French major last year. They had talked about going to Paris during the Christmas break, but they didn't even last until December. She was heartbroken for like a week until she met the gender studies dude. That didn't last long either since he finally admitted he was gay, something Vivienne and I had called from the beginning. The locker is unlocked, so I know she'll be coming back before class starts. Would this be an appropriate time to try and talk to her? My first choice would have been Vivienne since she's usually more rational than Blair, but I guess I don't have a choice. I have fifteen minutes until class starts, so even if I'm all dressed and my shoes are tied, I stay seated on the cold metal bench. I hear her giggle a few minutes later, making my heart beat faster. As I had predicted, she walks straight to her locker, totally ignoring me. She's with a girl I know I have seen in our cross-country class, but whom I have never talked to. I get up from the bench to stand right behind her and her new friend.

"Blair," I say my voice only loud enough for her to hear me. She cups her ear with her hand and stops taking to the other girl I think is named Julie.

"Did you hear anything Ju? I thought I heard the sound of a shady spitfire." I roll my eyes and chuckle, that's an awful metaphor.

"Really Blair? A shady spitfire? I expected more from you considering you're the poetry expert." I throw a little flattery since I know Blair responds well to compliments. She slams her locker door, turning around her long hair hitting me right in the face. She starts to walk away from me, and, for a second, I almost want to let her go, but I remember the promise I made to Ben and grab her skinny arm.

"Let go of me you liar!" she says loudly, getting the attention from every girl still in the locker room.

"Please listen to me. Five minutes." She shakes her head, giving me her best bitch look.

"You should have thought about that before lying to us for three years. Don't bother trying to talk to Vivienne, she's with me on this. We're done with you and your lying ass." That's the answer I expected, but it doesn't mean that the words hurt any less when she spat them at me. I take a deep breath to try and calm down, but it doesn't work. I feel the nausea hit me in a way I know I can't stop it. I run outside the locker room to find the closest bathroom which happens to be on the other side of the hall. I ignore the stares of people who wonder why I am wearing shorts in three degrees weather. I bump into a couple of people whom I ignore, but I hear one call my name multiple times. It's a male voice that I don't recognize immediately. I continue running towards the bathroom that is fortunately empty when I finally walk through the door. I run to the closest stall, falling on my knees. I ignore the pain in my bones from hitting my kneecaps on the ceramic tiles and the coldness that fills me up the second my bare skin touched the floor. I feel the tears form in my eyes, but they're not from throwing up. I had always kept the smallest ball of hope that Blair and Vivienne would forgive me, but, now, it's clear that they won't.

As I get up from the floor, I hear someone knock on the bathroom door. Why would someone knock? It's a public bathroom. I still tell the mystery person to enter but regret it immediately. Matthew's face appears in the doorway seconds after the word left my mouth. I have been doing my best to avoid him last week, only going to class when I was certain he wasn't guest lecturing or making an appearance. I am half ashamed of what sort of happened between us and half unsure if I regret it. Avoiding him seemed like the best option considering that Ben and I are finally in a semi-good place again. I don't want to do anything that could mess it up.