Mediocrity

As Long As

Instead of roses, the first flowers you gave me were the wild ones you picked, and you said sorry but I stopped you. For as long as they're from you, I'll look at them as if they're the prettiest bouquet there ever was. I don't like roses, anyway.

Instead of an anniversary gift, you gave me a promise because you have forgotten our special day, and you said sorry, but my love, don't worry, as long as it's something you would fulfill, no present can ever be tantamount to it. I'm not into gifts and surprises actually.

Instead of time, you've given me excuses and apologies  but  as long as they came straight from you, I'd validate each one and understand. Sometimes even I get so busy so it's fine.

Instead of the truth, you gave me sugarcoated lies and you hoped I'd let it pass.

Instead of being my inspiration, you became the cause of my almost-destruction and you thought I'd be fine with that.

Instead of seeing my struggles, you called it just another dramatic episode and you dared expect of me to say one of my "as long as you..." lines,  unfortunately, they aren't the only phrases I know. Love, time, patience, understanding and forgiveness aren't the only things I can give. I can also give you rain heavier than the ones you made me cry, pain more unbearable than the one you made me feel. Or at least I thought I can.
But I kept my mouth shut. And tried to convince myself instead, once again, that you'd change and go back to being that person who captured my heart and melt it with your love. As long as you stay with me and as long as I am the home you always go back to at the end of the day, I'll believe in you. I'll still put my faith in you.
Even when you've already run out of good things to give so you instead give me the unnecessary, unwanted ones, as long as they're from you, as long as I still have your love, even what's left of it is a tiny bit, I'll try to be okay with it. 

Or so you wish.

I am your lover not your fool. When I'm no longer treated right, why else would I fight? When it's due, I know how to give. And when it's time, I know my way out and leave, even without you, as long as I still have enough love for me, I'll live.